Friday, September 1, 2006

Friday Night Jokes

I apologize in advance to those lightweights out there. I am a twisted man, with a twisted sense of humour. Read on...

Two homeless men are sifting through a garbage bin in an alley looking for some eats. The first filthy hobo says "Look at that cat over there, it doesn't look like its been dead long, I'm so hungry I'm gonna eat that thing!" The second filthy hobo, however, is repulsed and lets the first filthy hobo know his feelings on the matter "Yuck, I know we're filthy hobos, but hot damn, how can you eat that cat, its covered in maggots!" To which the first replies "I haven't eaten in weeks, plus its meat, just pretend its steak"

The first hobo then proceeds to eat the entire cat, minus the hair and bones (cause that'd be fucking sick, yo).

A few hours later the second hobo is still starving and the first is feeling the ill effects of eating rotten cat. As the first one pukes up the cat all over the sidewalk the second says "I told you thats nasty to eat a cat..." but as he picks up a discarded toothpick and proceeds to the vomit he goes on "... but I haven't had a hot meal in ages."


A little boy is sitting on the side of a mountain road beside an idling car, tears streaming down his dust covered face. He looks like he has been there a while and is cold and alone.

A man driving along the same road drives by, and seeing the little lad pulls over to see what the fuss is about.

"Little boy," the man inquires, "why are you crying, where are your parents?"

"My dad just fell off the side of the mountain," the little boy replies.

"That's just awful, why would he have fallen off the side of the mountain?"

"He was going after my mom, who was also fell off" the little boy wails, the tears coming like a sad little spring of tear-water.

"Oh my, why did your mom fall off the side?"

"To catch my dog, who jumped from the car"

"My, my, thats horrible," the man consoles the boy, "You lost your whole family, eh?"

"Yes" the little boy sniffles.

As the man reaches pushes the little boy up against the car and undoes his pants he says, "I guess it just isn't your lucky day, kid, is it?"

Straight to hell, do not pass purgatory.

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