Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Saskatoon Radio Sucks!

As if I didn't have enough reasons to want to leave Saskatoon, here's one more... radio. I'm a fan of music. Unfortunately I'm cursed with not having a compact disc player in my vehicle, or satellite radio. I do have an iPod radio thing, but thats a pain in the ass to set up for daily commutes. So I have no choice but to listen to the radio. The radio that is pumped into my car 24 hours a day, seven days a week for FREE! Well you get what you pay for.

But lets cut to the chase. Saskatoon radio is airwave vomit. If they held a competition to find the most annoying and socially retarded people in the country, they'd find Rob, Shawna and Ramblin' Dave. What kind of radio name is "Ramblin' Dave"? Might as well have picked 'Babblin' Bill' or 'Retard Russ'. Anyway, its not enough that I have to listen to the shitty light rock and teenage girl pop on my morning commute every day but those damned ass clowns keep interrupting my few moments of peace during KC's 'Since U Been Gone'. I don't fuckin' care how many pairs of shoes Shawna Foster or indeed, the entire city of Saskatoon has in their closet. I know Shawna's a douchebag regardless of the fact that she owns 50 pair. And Ramblin' Dave.. fyi... you don't know it all and if you want to end each 'Random Ramble' with a 'tip' make sure its a real fuckin tip. Advice usually ends with you suggesting something, not just crapping out of your disgusting mouth.
Ramblin' Dave definitely has a 'face for radio'
And onto Rock 102. I'm sorry, but you need to play rock music to qualify to be a rock station. That means no Avril Lavigne. She has her place, now learn yours. Also, who the hell named someone Gregger? or Gregor or whatever? Call yourself Greg because you effin' irritate me. Further, where is this 'Cast of Thousands' that you claim to have each and every morning? I'd like to hear what they have to say instead of your tired old stories day after friggin day. I almost feel that calling them radio 'personalities' is a fib.... and I'm no fibber.

The diarrhea icing on the shit cake that is Saskatoon's airwaves is 'Coffee Talk with Vic Dubois' Who is this guy and why is he being played every morning (and afternoon, as I found out today) with his monotone voice and lack of anything interesting to say? Everytime I hear his voice I want to honk my horn to drown him out, or swerve into oncoming traffic. No, actually, I'd rather hear Beyonce's 'Irreplacable' sung as a duet with Fran Drescher and Gilbert Gottfried... and just the super annoying 'to the left' part all the way from my house to work than hear another one of those GD Coffee Talks.

"To the left, to the left... To the left, to the left.. To the left, to the left... To the left, to the left.. To the left, to the left.."

Oh, I forgot those Saskatoon Job Shop commercials. Your joke about the irritated boss eating donuts was mildly amusing the first time you played it. Weird how the four hundred times you play it each day doesn't add to that amusing quality. I'd rather be unemployed than search for a job with you. Go to hell.
So, as you can see, Saskatoon radio is balls. I'm excited to listen to some Chris and Ballsy in Regina... those guys are a good time. Funny how Regina can have such kick ass radio, but Saskatoon can't manage to muster up one decent 'personality'.
Anyway, I'm spent. I'm Mike, I know it all and this has been 'I hate Saskatoon Radio' rant.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Prejudice Tolerated is Tolerance Encouraged

From Perez Hilton's website... which is generally trash, well almost exclusively trash.... an actually decent article. Read it:

Fourth Ever Super Fantastic Caption Contest Spectacular!

You know the drill. Get to it.

Grand Prize: A date with me!

Friday, April 13, 2007

Okay, but don't let it happen again!

So spring may or may not have arrived. Y'all can tank me for giving Mother Nature a sternly worded warning... or you can tHank me... but either one works.

Anyway, to whoever controls the weather, whether it be the winds, the sun or some fat guy named El Nino, I'll let your cold ass April slide this year, but don't let it happen again, aight?

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

My Feelings Toward Winter

I'm getting sick of this cold, miserable weather. Quit toying with me, Mother Nature, or I'm not going to feel so guilty the next time I leave the lights on, the car running, use old fashioned CFC spray cans, burn tires. Just kidding, global warming is bad, but so is being cold.

I'm Not a Doctor, But I'm Still Smarter Than You

"Yet another post on how its so tough to be a pharmacist!" you're probably thinking. Well cram it up your stink hole, cause the rant is coming whether you like it or not.

Working at St. Paul's puts me in direct contact with the unwashed, hospitalized masses. Although I generally love what I'm doing - hot, steamy, pharmacist on patient action - because its what I've been trained to do there are a few, nagging details that they don't teach us in pharmacy school.

1. They never taught me how to talk loud enough to cover my patient's roomates poop noises coming out of her less than strategically placed commode.

2. They never taught me how to cover my nose with a necktie to cover the associated smell.

But I digress.

They also don't teach us how to take rejection from the uneducated population. Yes, I know I've spent five years in school learning, in depth, how to medicate you and resolve your drug related problems, but how dare I suggest that your family physician that you see once every six months for perhaps five minutes each visit may have been incorrect about something? Or even that the guidelines for treating diabetes have changed since 1973 (SURPRISE! You don't HAVE to go blind).

Let me fill you in, I know you crave to see how my mind works. I have this patient, lets call her Granny, cause she's a grandma and kind of reminds me of mine (although I never called either of my grandmothers granny). Anyway, she's in for her umpteenth heart attack, her kidney function is lower than a worms belly button and she's got maple syrup running through her veins. Ever the diligent pharmacy student, untempered by experience and naive to the world, I head to my trusty guidelines and develop the best damned care plan in the enitre world for her. New insulins and injections, tapered dosing and increased glucose monitoring. Damned if I'm this woman won't live to be two hundred, the way I've souped her up. After using my many counselling techniques to 'establish a relationship' or 'covenant' if you will, we share a tear about her life and family and I feel that change has been made. I order test after test to establish baseline functions and have every professional consulted to intervene on her behalf.

But, alas, its all for nothing. None of my lab values are requested like I asked, and it appears her doctor exists only in our imagninations. On day four of our time together I consult her with my plan before I leave for my four day weekend. She tells me that she doesn't feel comfortable making changes 'on her own, without her doctor's advice'. I'm dumbstruck! Was it not that very physician's recomendations that put her here in the first place? His lack of initiative to manager her case? And damned if she's doing this 'on her own'. I spent hours researching how to get her fat ass into the next decade alive. In the end I just about pinched a tear as I turned on my heel, past her ever pooping roomate, and returned to my hobbit-hole like office in the pharmacy.

In the end I made those recomendations to the attending, just to spite that old shrew. However, in the efficiency that is Canadian healthcare she was discharged on 'prescription', which of course lets all other healthcare professionals understand the complexity of her conditon. Bah, I'm too young to be this cynical.

This is an artists rendition of me after not having my recomendations even be read.


If you've read the post below, which you damn well better do before you read this... hold on, I'll wait.

Ok, now that you've read this, you'll agree that this weeks Redmeat comic is uncanny. I don't know if I'm using that word correctly, but bear with me. Bug Eyed Earl has a weird dream himself! Check it out:

Weird Dreams

Anyone ever dream that they were bit by a barn cat and then wondered whether or not it actually happened and if you should get the shots or not? Me too! Last night I was tossing and turning and ended up (in my dream world) in my old barn at the farm. I bent down to pick up this little fluffball and it bit me on the ends of both index fingers and then took off in a puff of white foam and hisses. I awoke with a start and was disoriented to both place and time. Not sure if what I dreamt had been real I panicked. How long would I have to wait to get these shots? How many were there... were they even necessary? And then I remembered from my pharmacy schooling... or something... that I'd need to cut the cats head open to find if it had rabies. Only thing was was that I was scared to find it again because it would bite me. Anyways, turns out I was still dreaming and I woke up when the buzzer went off... rabies free!

Regina - The Land of Opportunity

As many of you know, and many more of you don't, we will be picking up and moving down south to our fine province's capital, Regina sometime in the next month or two. Now, I've heard a few snickers and 'jokes' about my fair city and what it may or may not smell like, but I bet few of you know, and even fewer care, that:

1. The first ATM in Canada was set up by Sherwood Credit Union in Regina

2. Over thirty four types of marble are found in the Legislative Buildings

3. The Albert Street bridge is the is the longest bridge which stretches over the shortest body of water.

4. Regina was first known as Pile O' Bones

5. People living in Regina are called Reginans

Ok, this online list that I found was made by grade four students and sucks ass. So here's my list of Regina facts:

1. Regina is badass

2. That smell that crops up around mid summer gives people superpowers

3. Yes, the water tastes like shit, but the beer is more delicious

4. Regina is in close proximity to Southey!

5. Mayor Pat Fiacco's moustache houses a colony of dwarves that help him make decisions

6. The dome on the top of the Legislature looks like a boob... for you straight guys out there.. and Brenda.

7. One in four Reginans is named Richard

8. All of the trees in Regina were cleared out of the way and the land was bulldozed flat so that the pioneers could start fresh. (This one actually comes from a friend of mine who told this, in all sincerity, to our host families in Quebec.

9. What happened to the infamous 'Pile O' Bones'? It is currently being used to prop up Lorne Calvert's snaggle tooth.

10. It's better than Winnipeg could ever hope to be.

And just so you all know, this I heart Regina sign comes in button form, and you will all be getting one to wear right longside your ally pin... got it?

WORD, On the Street

Anybody who knows me knows that the one thing that brings me joy, aside from my button collection, is my support and involvement with inner city youth. Some youth in our fair city do not grow up with as much privilege as others, and its good to give them a voice.

At the cafeteria the other day we came upon Word on the Street - "A Free Journal for Youth and Urban Saskatoon". At first I thought to myself 'awesome, some kick ass literature for my lunch break!' This first thought quickly turned to dismay, and then hysteria as I read through "Being Jacked" by M.P. Now I'll copy an excerpt for my readers... nah, fuck it, I'll write out the whole damned thing:

Being jacked for personal belongings is a big problem in Saskatoon.

Hats are the most common thing being jacked, which is unfortunate because some hats can cost $50 +. If you have to buy a new hat every time someone runs off with it, you're going to be blowing all your money on hats. What really bugs me is people who don't have the guts to come up to me and tell me to give them my stuff, instead they grab the hat and run as fast as they can.

- Okay, so I'm not writing out the whole thing, but you get a hint. Seriously, though, I do believe in youth in the inner city getting opportunities, but this magazine is ridiculous. Half of the titles aren't checked for spelling (e.g. Rap Music and it's Affects on Me). My favorite is the "STreet Speak" feature in which youth are asked what job they would want, if they could do anything in the world. "a male teenager" responds "I'd work on the oil rigs" And thats why our youth are so successful, with that ambition and lust in their eyes.

So yes, I'm an asshole for poking fun at an honest attempt by our youth to make themselves feel successful but honestly, forcing success on a group doesn't necessarily make results happen. Let's not overinflate these kids egoes.

And, to seal the deal... these kids are paid to write these gems. Ta-Dah! What a use for taxpayer money