Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Bobby Flay is Awesome

I know that there probably aren't a lot of people out there who follow the Food Network as religiously as I do (every waking hour that isn't spent at work) which means that many of you are probably missing out on the awesomeness that is Iron Chef Bobby Flay.
This man is not only the best Iron Chef... which may be contested by some of those in the Mario Batali camp, but they can go fuck themselves... but he's an awesome guy too. How do I know this you ask? I've made up some scenarios and have made decisions based on how I thought he would react. Such as:

1. An orphanage is burning down and the children can't get out because their scurvy is so bad that they can't even stand up. Luckily Iron Chef Flay is around, he's made up a succulent lamb kebab braised in a lemon broth and covered with shaved black truffles. This helps to nourish the children and provides much needed ascorbic acid (vitamin C to losers like you) and protein to mobilize their sorry unloved carcasses out of the burning building. Good one Chef Flay!

2. A bus full of nuns is taken hostage by Colombian guerillas. Chef Flay arrives on the scene and prepares a feast that starts off with a lobster tartar, and poached eggs in red wine, then moves into a robust swordfish steak with peanut and mango glaze. He finishes it off with a smooth and delicate jalapeno ice cream (cause its not Bobby Flay without spice). Knowing that the Colombian rebels are deathly allergic to shellfish, peanuts and also lactose intolerant he has foiled their plan and the nuns are free to return to the convent and will live to pray another day. No one gets by Iron Chef Flay!

3. The nation is attacked by terrorists with a so called 'dirty bomb' and we're vulnerable to high levels of radiation and increased risks of cancer! Iron Chef Flay to the rescue where he prepares the most savoury banana split ever witnessed. Knowing that what we need now is a mega dose of potassium to prevent our bodies from picking up radioactive K+ Chef Flay has saved the day yet again.

So clearly, Bobby Flay is probably the greatest hero since Gandhi. Wait, Gandhi went on a hunger strike. He so would have caved had he been present in Kitchen Stadium... and therefore Bobby Flay beats Gandhi... take that India.

In conclusion, Bobby Flay is awesome.