Joke

What was Helen Keller's favorite colour?


Corduroy! (Kudos to Lance on that one)

Nipping it in the bud

It's about time this little phrase started getting some attention. We hear so much about how we're not supposed to use the N word or other racist or discriminatory remarks. And, I agree with that, but we often overlook the usage of 'gay' as a slam on people. How many times in a day do you hear 'that's so gay' or 'you're gay' as a way of making someone feel bad about themselves. What's so bad about being gay that it warrants people to use it as a derogatory term. You never hear 'you're so blue eyed' or 'you're so tall' as an insult, although these are qualities not unlike being gay.

Anyways, the usage of these terms can make it very hard for, especially young, people to look at their sexuality and live their lives honestly and openly. I think that this is one phrase teachers and society as a whole should crack down on.

Well, here's the link I was talking about. Although I think this case may have been a bit extreme, seeing as though they didn't seem to care about her Mormon beliefs being made fun of... its a start nonetheless.

http://www.365gay.com/Newscon07/02/022807sosuit.htm

100th Post Caption Contest Spectacular!

Welcome to post #100! Since it's inception "The Ultimate Guide to the Awesome" has been updated one hundred times with wit and wisdom from yours truly.

So, in the spirit of the celebration, I'm getting drunk.

..nOw Im' bcak... just kidding, that was stupid.

Anyways, I decided to have a caption contest for this historical post. And this time, I mean it... I need you to put down your innermost, darkest, deepest secrets into developing a thought provoking, world peace achieving comment. I don't care who you are (well, I do, don't get me wrong) or where you're from.... don't care what you do, as long as you... post a comment.

Seriously, I don't care how shy you are, I want to learn your opinions on this limbo-ing grandma.

LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

Winner will have their name posted on my blog within two weeks (the length of the contest) and is eligible for a beer, purchased by me.

New Background

Not sure if you noticed, but I changed my background on my blog, here. Hope you like it. Keeping it fresh and real is my thing.
Keep on reading, my loyal fan base.

Millionaire Life

I regret to inform myself and my close family and friends that I did not, in fact, win the Millionaire Life lotto draw yesterday. I know I already put a down payment on that yacht and that I quit my job and bought a car. I know I already booked that trip around Asia... but I guess I'm going to have to return it all.

Thats right, no more gold plated plates to eat dinner from, no Dom Perignon for bathwater, and especially no hundred dollar bills on my toilet paper roll. I was reckless. I thought the lottery was my ticket to a life of luxury, but I didn't win.

I better go find a job now, I have a lot of things to pay back. Donations are greatly appreciated.

Pyjama Pants

I know I'm not exactly Calvin Klein or Ralph Lauren... or maybe even a retail salesperson for these lines... but I do have one bone to pick with a certain fashion trend: Pyjama Pants.

I find it disrespectful for young girls (and even more disrespectful by older people) to head out of the house to do their shopping or whatnot in sleep pants... those sweat pant like bottoms with the plaid or hilarious cartoons on them. Are they seriously so fucking lazy that they can't put on a pair of jeans or cargo pants... or even a pair of regular jogging pants to head out? Is the world your living room? I think not.

I, for one, feel that its necessary to look half assed respectable when you leave the confines of your home. Not wearing a pair of decent pants is like not brushing ones teeth, or walking around in gotch. This is a disturbing trend and I'm tired of it. No one wants to see your underwear and regardless of whether you actually sleep in those pants or not, I don't want to be under the impression that those aren't clean. Put on some damned clothes.

God Bless the Sun

It finally warmed up! Well, I know its still minus 12 but at least my car will start if not plugged in overnight. (It's a diesel and needs warmth, its not just a pansy car). Although this little taste of warmth won't last, its brought to mind some of the wonderful things I can do in summer.

1. Run through the sprinkler in my shorts
2. Lounge outside with a book and a beer
3. Sleep with the window wide open, listening to the crickets
4. Get up and close the window cause those damned crickets are keeping me up
5. Realize I let a mosquito into my room while the window was open and now its buzzing in my ear
6. Get a sunburn
7. Spend weeks peeling and picking at my dried out, burnt ass skin.
8. Catch West Nile Virus
9. Mow the grass in 45 degree heat
10. Appreciate a dust storm.

Well screw that, bring on the blizzards and arctic temperatures... summer can kiss my ass.

Barenaked Ladies

Last night Lance and I headed out to Credit Union Centre to hit up the Barenaked Ladies concert. It was an awesome show with opening act Tomi Swick. Not really too familiar with him or his work but he put on a good show and I'll definitely be downloading some of his work. I'm sure thats what the point of the show was, for me to pirate his music instead of buying a CD... but what can I do as an individual?

Anyways, the Ladies played all the hits... Enid, If I Had a Million Dollars, Brian Wilson, etc. All in all the music was a good time.

Even more of a good time, however, was the moustachioed man in the row ahead of us. Not only was the moustache waxed at the tips and hilariously inappropriate, but he was wearing an old man sweater which I'm assuming was handed down to him by his grandfather, since I'm sure something that hideous hasn't been made in the past fifty years. It was, as I must say, fucking ugly. Here is something I found online that was the closest I could find.

This man actually looks like a respectable human being after seeing that facial hair tragedy yesterday.

I wish you all could have been there to see him. I really wanted to touch it, almost a sick passion.

Anyways, thats enough for now. Seeya!

Hilarious Videos

I decided to post a few hilarious pharmacy related videos. Yes, I know, some of you may wonder whats so funny about a profession that heroically saves lives day in and day out through pharmaceutical care and in depth medication management. I wonder sometimes too. But, here we go, two delicious videos for your viewing pleasure.

The first one was emailed to me by my friend Erika, from Stinkler, MB. Good find Erika.

http://www.cafeoflifepikespeak.com/Videos/Licensed%20To%20Pill.swf

It chronicles our societies over use of prescription medication. Hilarious.

The next one is set to the music of JT's "Sexy Back". For all of you non-pharm folk, Paxil is an antidepressant medication commonly referred to by its generic name, paroxetine hydrochloride. A happy little pink pill.

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1713176

Enjoy!

Pharmacy Blunder

It occurred to me the other day, much to my chagrin, that Hyzaar and Cozaar are the same medication, except that Hyzaar includes hydrochlorothiazide in it. I know the names are similar, but generally hctz combo products have the term '-zide' or '-etic' or 'plus', never a change the start of the word.

Upon discovering this tidbit of pharmaceutical knowledge I exclaimed it aloud to my coworkers in the dispensary. I'll never hear the end of it...

Yes, I'm aware that this is the nerdiest story ever, but even if one person understands where I'm coming from, and I'm looking at you, Brendawg... then my job is done.

Taco Stand

Relaying a story from the tech at work (referred to as MandKunt from here on in). Anyways, so MandKunt was talking about her boyfriend, as she's liable to do from one minute to the next and stumbles across a story from their days back in PA. Now PA has a fair number of natives, and this story was triggered from the sheer amount of riff raff that was pouring into our store on this particular day.

It just so happened that her boyfriend was out at the fair one summer when they decided to get some food. They walked by an Indian food booth and saw a sign that advertised 'Indian Taco's'. Not knowing what they were getting into, they inquired as to what was involved in said morsel. It turns out that its just a regular taco but made with bannock instead of taco shells.

As they turn to mosey on down the line, not keen on the bannock taco, an elderly woman working at the booth shouts out to them, in her all too familiar accent... "Hey white boys, you can come eat my taco anytime."

Priceless.

Liger

I was working at PS the other night with the younger, cooler pharmacist, Heidi when the subject somehow came across the movie Napoleon Dynamite. All of a sudden Heidi bolts off of her stool and hobbles to the computer (yes, hobbled, due to the bum foot she suffered from a broken perfume bottle at the gym, odd). Anyways, she's all excited and says "I have to show you a liger!"

I scoff and roll my eyes, thinking it would be some doctored photograph with the head of a lion and the tail of a tiger... but that would be a tigon, you idiot. To move the story along, she brings up this picture of a liger. I was as dumbfounded as you probably are right now... and if you're not... then what the hell is wrong with me? Anyways, here it is... pick your jaw off the floor, its disgusted to have your mouth open.

Fire the Guns, Jose!

Well, I figure since I'm sitting around reminiscing about Cancun I should jot down some thoughts for my Mike-starved readers.

First off, never fly Sky Service. They stole 4 hours of my vacation that I'll never get back.

Now on to the positives:

1) It was warm and humid which was good for my ever sensitive skin... came back with a baby's ass for a face, minus the poo.

2) All inclusive is amazing - it lets you eat and drink all you want and no one really judges you for being a fat, white, obnoxious asshole. Add in some smoking and you have that episode of Futurama where Bender becomes human... seriously, its how I felt the first night. Two buffets open for the majority of the day and an all night sports bar to keep us going all night. It was paradise. Asking for 16 drinks may seem weird in Canada, but at the Riu Cancun they just ask how you'll get them all back to the pool.

3) Swimming is amazing. We went swimming at our beach, snorkeled, etc. We had beautiful pools that saw a few drinks spilled into them... and we hit up this awesome nature park thing where I had a near fatal encounter with an empty air tank (more later). Its awesome to get up close and personal with a sea turtle and almost touch a moray eel. Crystal clear, warm water... it was the best.

4) The Mexicans themselves. They are numerous and are really friendly. It was a great time riding the bus with all these Mexican construction workers getting off work. I felt like a big white giant. One dude was playing the accordian, hilarious. The markets were a different story with them selling everything in sight and ripping you off anyway they could.

5) The fishing. We caught 21 barracuda(s?). Those are vicious looking fish and fight like a mutherfucker.

Anyways, there's more, but I'm bored and should go soon. So I'll leave you with a few awesome pictures.

Hola!

Well, I got back from Mexico in one piece although I had a few life threatening scares along the way. I'm just at home right now, in good ol' Southey porkin up on turkey, stuffing and mashed potatoes... you know, really cementing that metabolic syndrome that I started in Cancun.

I'm heading back to Saskatoon on the 27th where I'll post a bit more on my trip to Mexico, and maybe a picture or two. Then I'm off to Edmonton for a few days before hitting back to my internships... its amazing how easy it is to forget completely about school. Apparently I'm almost a pharmacist, who would've known?

Well, Merry Christmas to everyone and I'll post more later.

Feel the Sun

I know that all my readers out there have been desperately wishing that I'd talk more about my upcoming trip to Mexico... and you know how I aim to please.

So its three days until I leave to Cancun and I'm just finishing up with packing my stuff. I have my sunscreen, shorts and, well, thats about all I'll need all week. So while you are freezing your ass off in good ol' Saskatoon (actually it'll probably stay around plus one until the 23rd and then plummet back to -30), I'll be getting toasty down on the beach.

I'll make sure to take lots of pictures of myself and post those when I get back. But to give you a little taste, I found this picture on google.

I'll also leave you with this little link to The Weather Network so that you can keep yourself updated on what my days are like. http://http://www.theweathernetwork.com/weather/cities/intl/Pages/MXXX0014.htm

Caption Contest #3

Now I know these haven't been very popular thus far, but I continue to try, oh Lord I try.

Anyways, I'm posting this and I better get some responses or I 'll be forced to come up with something hilarious to say regarding the picture myself... and I'm not going to pretend thats mustard!

Plastique Monkey

Came across this site after reading about it in the Sheaf a while ago (yes, I read the Sheaf sometimes... I don't know why either... I know its stupid, get off my fucking back about it already).

Yes, she is knitting her muscles

anywho... here are but a sampling of the works of art posted on her site http://www.plastiquemonkey.com

She works and lives in Saskatoon, great city that it is. Check it out.

Careful with that vegetable peeler!

Canada Family Action Coalition

So this past week I've been emailing around. First, I emailed Mr. Brad Trost, my Conservative member of parliament. Although I voted for him in the last federal election I felt that he wasn't representing me via his voting record in the House. I have not received a reply from either email I sent. Fuck Him.


Anyways, today I was reading the Canada Family Action Coalition website, which is essentially a hate fuelled discrimination train. With blinders fully on they feel that by excluding gays from marriage, child raising and other equalities given to Canadians, that homosexuals will just 'go away'. Well, unfortunately it hasn't gone away yet and discrimination isn't a new technique... but I digress. So here's the email I wrote this biznitch.

"Ms. Gallagher (maggiecontact@yahoo.com):

I have just finisehd reading your article "The Message of Same Sex Marriage" (http://www.familyaction.org/Articles/issues/sexuality/same-sex-msg.htm ) and had a few thoughts on what you had written.

I wasn't surprised that this article continued upon the vein of children must be raised by two opposite sex parents in order to succeed in life. When "Matthew" stated that he knew people raised by same sex couples were well adjusted, that should have been a cue to say that loving parents who are committed to each other are what matters most to raising children. Divorce is more of a threat to marriage than gay couples, in my opinion and you should be writing an article denouncing 'shot gun' marriages'. Rushes to the alter before being in love is more devastating to a child who has to be raised in a resentful and loveless environment than having two mothers who have fought for years to be able to marry and went through a careful process to ensure they were ready for a child before they adopted one that was given away by careless straight couples.

Yes, your buildup is there in your argument, but I thinky ou have drawn a complete wrong conclusion. You should want gays to marry. It shows heterosexual people that marriage is important to children. Gays can and will continue to adopt, it is people like you who are keeping those children from having married parents. Also, allowing gays to marry creates a sense of concrete relationship that is ripe for raising children. Since gays cannot biologically have children they are great candidates for raising children available for adoption. Making it easier to adopt will help the children you seem to want to protect so badly.

You have a great writing style and I enjoyed reading the points you raised in your post. I firmly believe that you have taken a pessimistic view of this hot topic and lack the insight to see that granting rights to people and accepting them for who they are, allowing them to be part of mainstream society is a GOOD thing. If you would like to discuss this issue further, I'd love to engage in a well informed conversation. I am deeply interested in your opinions on this matter and what background you have that draws you to your conclusions.

Sincerely,
MIchael Stuber"

Feel free to read the linked article and email her if you like. I'll let ya know if she writes me back.

The dust has settled and Canada has decided to stick with allowing gays to marry. It seems like a big deal but the majority of people don't seem to care. Why should straight Canada care that gays have fought so long and hard for something that most people take for granted? Well marriage is just the icing on top of a long and difficult to swallow cake that has been eaten by a not so small minority of people in our culture - an at times invisible and beaten minority.

Lets take a brief overview of the gay rights movement as yours truly tends to understand it right now.

Gays have existed in human society for as long as human society has been around. Although the facts are murky, the oppression of gays is a relatively new occurence. After centuries, then, of oppression the homosexual population (estimated to be ~10-14% of a given population) began to fight back. Just as women were granted the right to vote, gays were on their way to not being sentenced to death for being what they were.

The gay rights movement began in the 1860's when German activist Karl Heinrich Ulrichs came out publicly and began publishing books on same sex love. In North America the women's suffrage movement and liberation activists were populated not only with women fed up with the status quo, but with lesbians who wanted to see change. This allowed a crack in the door to be opened for the broader gay rights movement in North America.

In the 1940's and 50's the gay rights movement became more public and organizations sprung up with members of the social elite, political and wealthy counted as members. Still, homosexuality remained illegal, with many jursidicitions punishing 'sodomy' with death, and gays themselves seen as mentally ill according to the American Psychiatric Association.

However the modern gay movement occurred in the 1960's with the free love movement that popularized activism for women, anti-Vietnam War and civil rights. The turning point is generally accepted to be the Stonewall Riots of 1969 in Greenwich Village, New York. The Stonewall Inn was a gay bar that was frequently raided (as were other gay bars) and patrons were arrested for being homosexual. However on one particular night the patrons resisted arrest and they fought back... for days. Soon after gay liberation groups popped up around the US and other Western nations to challenge the way homosexuals were seen by the rest of the population.

Gay rights have come a long way and unfortunately still have a long ways to go before it is accepted in today's society.


Anyways, that is a very, very brief overview of the gay rights movement as it stands today. It should stand as a hallmark, then that gays have achieved the right to marry someone who they truly love and are recognized as a couple, a family, just as anyone else would be. This is why the recent 'revisitation' of the 'gay marriage debate' is so important to not just gays but to Canadians. Canadians pride themselves on being multicultural. Culture isn't just defined as being Chinese, French, Ukrainian or First Nations... it isn't always about where you come from but who you associate with and with whom you feel at home. In this way there is a gay culture and Canada must recognize that the rights of this culture are every bit as important as the rights of Muslims or Christians.

So, thats the end of my rant... and I hope you actually read it, instead of skimming over for some crude joke involving cunts or abortions.

I leave you with a list of prominent gay historical figures so that you can see that human history has been contributed to by not only heterosexuals.

Julius Caesar, Alexander the Great, Leonardo da Vinci, Oscar Wilde, Beethoven, Freddie Mercury.

There are, of course, many more, but the night is getting shorter and I need sleep. I'll probably put up another post on this topic soon, but I do have lots of filth in between. Thaks for reading!

At the mall...

So there we were at the mall, stopping for a quick bite to eat from Taco Time before heading back into the fray to search for the perfect gift when all of a sudden we saw it. Well, actually, Lance saw it and hit me quite forcefully on the chest and pointed at the man in the corner of the food court. He was reading a book it appeared, but his back was to us and it was hard to discern. At first I was looking for something more... interesting, I guess, but Lance continued to point and I continued to stare at the man, eating alone.

After a few minutes he did what we were waiting for, he scratched his leg. Yes, he lifted up his pant leg and scratched a scab... picked it really. I know, its quite disgusting on its own... but wait, there's more.

HE ATE IT! He fucking ate his scab, in a crowded food court while people watched. I'm glad I ate before, although I just about threw it up right there.

Wherever you are scab man, I think you're disgusting.