Destination: Cancun

It is now 20 sleeps or 'siestas' until I get to Cancun. For one week I will not have to:

1) Start my car in -20

2)Not get my car to start in -20

3)Scrape my windows or brush snow off my car

4)Bitch about the weather

5)Dig my balls out of my chest cavity after taking a short walk

6)Negotiate a sidewalk so I don't end up with a bruised ass or broken arm

The list can go on and on, but they all have one common theme... I am winter free for a week. Thats only the icing on the cake, however dear readers. This week on the beach will be a reward for four and half years of school (see previous post). Although it will be a great week, still will be something missing from it, I'm sure.

Not much else to say about that. I guess...

Check out this beach, that'll be where I get my drink with an umbrella served to me... while you freeze you ass off up here. Sucker.

Light at the End of the Tunnel

After 4 1/2 years of daily classes on the U of S campus, I can finally see the end of the road. On December 4th, 2006 I will attend my last class. FUCK YEAH. I will remember fondly the hours I spent napping in Thorv 110 and 124 during some boring ass lecture on ethics or health policy as well as those comfy black couches down in the lounge. Actually I think the lounge will be the only thing I will miss... and the people, of course. Oh, and the quick access to not one, but two Tim Horton's. Unfortunately I won't be able to casually stroll down on my five minute break to lose yet another round of Roll Up the Rim. I should have just bought the damned Rav 4 with all the money I've spent on coffee... but of course then I wouldn't have had the experience of ruining my kidneys and building a dangerously high tolerance to that wonderful drug known as caffeine.

I will potentially be spending more time there, though. If I open that magic envelope tomorrow that informs me that I got my choice placements I will be spending roughly 2 1/2 months there again. Likely, I'll be stuck in Kindersley or Moose Jaw, but who knows.

Anyways, its been a good run at the University of Sask, and I'll miss it, but only as much as one can when they're a degree holding health care professional making a living. That's right, not very fucking much.

When Superheroes Retire

Good ol' Wonder Woman. Now that she's not busy saving lives, she's been kind of lonely, sitting at home and watching Oprah in the afternoons.

Just kind of thought this picture was funny, hope you agree.

Peace homies.

Midterms Suck

I've decided that midterms suck. Not that this is a stunning reveleation, I'm sure many people have reached this conclusion without a single ounce of my input, but there it is... midterms suck.

It just so happens that the next midterm I write on Tuesday, therapeutics, is the last of my undergraduate career. You'd think I'd be happy for this day to come and be eagerly studying to cram every last ounce of knowledge into my head to perform well on this final mid year evaluation. You would be wrong. I fucking hate every last minute of this studying and will find any excuse not to do it.

Top 10 ways to procrastinate:

1. Clean my bathroom - although this desperately needs to be done, it hasn't been until midterms come up.

2. Drink - getting a bit of a buzz relieves the stress of those unopened books on my mind. Playing drunk Balderdash is even more fun with even less book opening.

3. I'm bored with this, I think I'm gonna go watch a movie or get drunk.

Caption Contest #2

Dear Fans:

Do you wish that you could share in my glory and feel the pride and sense of wonder that comes from being me? Well too fucking bad. A distant second, however, is to get your name on my site by participating in the second ever caption contest. Simply add a comment under this post regarding the picture that I have posted. Make sure to leave your name; 'Anonymous' is not allowed to claim any prizes. I'll rate them based on the results of my patented badass-o-meter. Participate or die bitter and alone.

Death of a Pumpkin

Like any normal person I carved a pumpkin for Hallowe'en... together with Lance's it sat quietly glaring at those who approached my abode, warning them that they would have to face unspeakable horrors to obtain the candy within. After the date had passed, my lazy ass was too... well, lazy, to throw it out. They were both frozen and I thought they looked good alongside Carl, my zombie decoration, so I left them there.

To my shock and amazment I was informed by my sister that my pumpkin had been smashed out on the street last night. Lance's remained, lonely and wishing for his comrade's return... and wait he shall remain. Well, waited, till he was thrown out too. I'm assuming those damn punk kids took my pumpkin, or Brenda, I'm not sure who. Why just mine? The world may never know. So, in loving memory, I post this picture of Lance and me with our pumpkins. Rest in peace, little soldier, you're in a better place now. Here we are on Hallowe'en with our scary ass temp tattoos, I mean real cuts and scars, looking serious about how bad ass our pumpkins are.

Mutherfucking Turd

I always hate when I pick up a car and find a turd in the back seat. Thank you Wanda Sykes for calling those bastards at Honda on their indiscretions. "Smells like you sold yo ass to the devil!"

Nazi Felines

You know when you see a cat that just looks like 20th dictator? This site shows a variety of cats that look like Hitler. Check it out. http://freshpics.blogspot.com/2006/06/hitler-cats_08.html

God Bless You, Panda Bear

Thought this was kinda funny.

Thank You Fans

The Ultimate Guide to the Awesome has recently hit 1000 visitors. I'd like to thank myself for being so awesome, and then I guess the fans... although I don't really do it for you, I do it to let some of the crazy out. Anyways, keep on reading and I'll keep on posting.



You stay classy, internet fans.

Sexy Post

So I'm sure some of you have seen this video before, but I'm gonna post it anyways because its hilarious.



My favorite is the sexy 1900's steel conglomerate tycoon. So get the fuck down here cause I got shit over here I'm trying to fucking sell... big sale goin' on!

Long Time, No Post

stress  /strɛs/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[stres] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun

8. physical, mental, or emotional strain or tension: Worry over his job and his wife's health put him under a great stress.
9. a situation, occurrence, or factor causing this: The stress of being trapped in the elevator gave him a pounding headache.

The above is an exerpt from Dictionary.com's definition of stress. While the dictionary company here is correct in its example of stress, I could also volunteer some from my own personal experiences of the last week.

"The application for the residency was incomplete due to holds put on his account and he could therefore not get a copy of his transcripts. This placed undue stress on him."

OR

"Not knowing where he'd be in less than two months due to a bumbling SPEP coordinator placed him under great stress."

OR

"Twenty five group meetings and as many deadlines all within short notice made his hair start to fall out due to stress."

I could go on but I won't, because I'mg etting stressed out that none of them will be witty. Anyways, you get the fucking point --> I'm a little stressed with school lately. Classes and exams and group meetings, they suck balls. Fortunately within less than a month I will be sitting on a sunny, warm beach in Cancun sipping something bright with an umbrella in it. My only stress will be worrying how to get the sand out of the crevices it got itself into, or maybe how to get another drink without getting up. Ahhh, vacation.

Anywho, I'll keep ya posted in case I snap and decide to kill a busload of children. "He was always so quiet.." you'll say, "Wait, no, he told us beforehand, it was quite obvious he did it!"

P.S. I tried posting a pic of a family wearing naked costumes... it was quite weird, but this blogger thing sucks.

Fucking Snow

Sunday night I went to sleep to the sound of the wind through the window and the sight of fresh slushy snow falling on... everything. It soaked and froze and made slippery every thing under the ... ugly ass clouds, I guess since there wasn't any damned sun or moon. Monday morning I hopped out of bed to greet the day and do some last minute preparations for my midterm that was just hours away. Leaving the house with over an hour and half to go time I was a little unnerved to see that cars were not moving on the roads. Curious, I thought. Then it hit me, people in the city are pansies when it comes to driving in snow. It wasn't the least bit slippery but you throw some white shit down and the collective speed limit nears 5 km/hour.

A few F bombs later it was 8:30 and Lance had already missed his first class of the day while I dreaded writing a midterm that I needed more time to prepare for (love that last minute cram). Around 9:10 am I was still on the road, and moving approximately 1 car length every 5 minutes. I decided to take action. I called the college and told them I was going to be late. Feeling a little better that I wouldn't fail or run out of time I sat back as some bitch let a large trailer and then two small sedans in front of the ever growing line. I hope her children are born retarded.

Nearing the overpass of 108th and Circle I could see clear grey road ahead, yet no one was moving! It appeared as if people were outside their cars flailing about madly... perhaps even in.. yes, a fist fight. People were fighting in the street, backing up traffic for almost 10 blocks. I was not impressed as it was now 9:15 and I was a little anxious that I had been on the road for over an hour and travelled 12 blocks.

The fight eventually resovled and I was on my merry way, to hit rock bottom on a geriatric incontinence exam, good times, eh?

Morale: Stay in your fucking car and drive like you rented that thing. I don't care if there's 2 inches of snow, use your head, not your brakes.

Peter Griffin, You're Too Much

And this concludes procrastination hour in which yours truly has not cracked a single book! Stay tuned for next week when your hero fails his exams.

Baby Soup

This hearty soup will satisfy those hunger pangs that strike during the depths of midterms. It is high in protein and low in saturated fats. Baby's have long been used for their aphrodisiac properties, so keep that in mind when you're looking for a delicious broth to serve your honey on that cold winter night.

Ingredients:
1-2 Fresh Infants: I prefer white meat, but for those who want a juicier meat, go with dark.
2 Peeled Potatoes, chopped
Sprig of fresh Rosemary
Salt and Pepper to taste

Directions:
Boil pot of water over high heat. Drop in babies. They may make some noise, but thats completely normal, it means they're especially fresh. Add potatoes, rosemary and salt and pepper and simmer for 4 hours or until babies are soft.

Enjoy!

Something Keeping Me Up At Night...

How the fuck did this guy get so GD creepy? I hope whatever hole birthed that abomination was sewed firmly shut to prevent another creep case like that getting loose on the world. Gives me chills. Although I bet he'd be good at selling stuff to kids.



If you ever come across him please kick him in the balls as part of my twelve step program to beautifying the nation. And ladies... the question is out there... How Many Beer?

The Greatest Rock Show On Earth

[IMG]http://i57.photobucket.com/albums/g211/mps055/lips.jpg[/IMG]

Yes, thats correct, I just returned from the Greatest Rock Show on Earth. The Rolling Stones definitely gave Regina and surrounding area a Bigger Bang on Sunday night (and presumbably Friday, although yours truly only attended the concert last night).

I was earlier a little hesitant to announce to the world that a broke ass student such as myself paid over 300 bucks to watch 60 something year olds play tunes from the 60's and 70's. After last night, however, I'd have to say that for being close enough to see each wrinkle on Keith Richards face and almost close enough to touch the Stones as they passed by on their hydraulic moving stage... it was worth every fucking dollar.

The show started with my sister, her friend, myself and a few others taking the bus down to Mosaic Stadium at Taylor Field via shuttle from Normanview Mall. We arrived around 4:10ish, Regina time. Seeing the massive line for souvenirs, and knowing that I had to have a tshirt, we promptly hit the booze line to get some refreshments for the line up that took just over 90 minutes to buy our rockstar memorabilia. Looking back from our point of sale, the line had nearly tripled. Long line... very long. Anyways, it was then time for a very delicious corndog. 12 inches of delicious.

As we headed back to the drink line for another refreshing long island, a rush of noise overhead alerted us to the beginning of the show... yes, our very own Snowbirds did three passes over the crowd. Amazing. They were so low and going so close together, damn. So, we headed in to the sound of Three Days Grace. Now, had I been there just for Three Days Grace, I would almost would have been satisfied. They are an amazing band and played all their good shit, as well as a lot of stuff off their new album, which I must say I downloaded and am enjoying currently.

They played for almost an hour then left the crowd to our own devices for a little wihle. Eventually the stands became a cheering behemoth that offered up over 20 rounds of the wave. The crowd was getting quite frenzied and as I got back from the porta potties the lights went off and I'm sure they could probably hear us in Moose Jaw.

A fireworks display and the drum beat of Paint it Black opened up with Mick Jagger... Yes, Mick Fucking Jagger coming out onto the 9 story tall stage. Over ninety feet of screens, speakers, lights and extra seating! This thing was massive. Anyways, they played for an hour and a half straight. The stage moved out right past me, and me and Keith Richards shared a moment... or else he was passing out, I'm not sure. Either way, we had something there. A few songs out in the depths of the field and the stage retracted to a set of a giant inflatable lips hanging from the stage.

Fire jets and more great hits. The Stones were definitely impressive. Mick can only be described as 'fabulous'. I'm not sure what drag queen he ripped those jackets and blouses off of, but only the biggest rock star on Earth, ie him... could make that look cool. And for 63 he can run.

The same couldn't be said for Keith Richards, who smoked almost an entire pack of cigs, half while he was singing T&A.

There was tons more, but this is getting lengthy. I'll post more later, as I'm sure you can't wait to hear it.

You make the caption

Lets get a little interactive here. Here's the picture... now you make the caption.

Cancun

Hey readers... I'm going to Mexico. Come December, I'll be sitting in my speedo baring my snow white ass to the world on the beaches of Cancun. Free drinks, free food, and free time, I can't wait.

This will be my first international trip. At 22, I'm crossing out of my nation's borders for the first time ever, how fucking lame is that? Anyways, it'll be spectacular. And I'm sure you're all jealous, unless you're coming with me, then fuck yeah. If you're not, you should come. We need to book by Friday with a deposit. Let me know or whatever. The more the merrier, right? Yeah... anyways, not much else to write, just that I'm fucking awesome and Mexico is gonna rock.

Tragic News

First Steve Irwin gets stabbed by that villain of a stingray, and now this.

"Late Monday afternoon as he was crossing Sesame Street to run to Mr. Hooper's store, Cookie Monster was struck by an east bound school bus. Mr. Monster was on his way to buy a box of, you guessed it, chocolate chip cookies. Unfortunately for him those cookies sent him to his grave. As police arrived on the scene children were crying and laying cookies from their own school lunches around him.

"It was so sudden, why has he been taken from us?" said a 5 year old girl, who asked not to be named.

Mr. Monster was allegedly so distracted in his lust for cookies that he forgot a very important lesson, to look both ways. The driver blamed the noisy school children, angle of the sun and a terrible hangover for his lack of attention that lead to Cookie's death. No charges have been laid.

"I just wanted some damn cookies, now I'm gonna have to get them myself. Fucking 'tard, never send a blue monster to do a green monster's job!" said long time companion Oscar the Grouch. "In hindsight, I always knew cookies would be that boy's tomb."

A memorial service will be held on Thursday. In lieu of flowers, guests are asked to bring a plate of cookies or a donation to be made to the Canadian Diabetes Association in his honour."