"Late Monday afternoon as he was crossing Sesame Street to run to Mr. Hooper's store, Cookie Monster was struck by an east bound school bus. Mr. Monster was on his way to buy a box of, you guessed it, chocolate chip cookies. Unfortunately for him those cookies sent him to his grave. As police arrived on the scene children were crying and laying cookies from their own school lunches around him.
"It was so sudden, why has he been taken from us?" said a 5 year old girl, who asked not to be named.
Mr. Monster was allegedly so distracted in his lust for cookies that he forgot a very important lesson, to look both ways. The driver blamed the noisy school children, angle of the sun and a terrible hangover for his lack of attention that lead to Cookie's death. No charges have been laid.
"I just wanted some damn cookies, now I'm gonna have to get them myself. Fucking 'tard, never send a blue monster to do a green monster's job!" said long time companion Oscar the Grouch. "In hindsight, I always knew cookies would be that boy's tomb."
A memorial service will be held on Thursday. In lieu of flowers, guests are asked to bring a plate of cookies or a donation to be made to the Canadian Diabetes Association in his honour."
1 comment:
Count Dracula was my favorite, that O.C.D son-of-a-bitch was hilarious!
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