I'm Not a Doctor, But I'm Still Smarter Than You

"Yet another post on how its so tough to be a pharmacist!" you're probably thinking. Well cram it up your stink hole, cause the rant is coming whether you like it or not.

Working at St. Paul's puts me in direct contact with the unwashed, hospitalized masses. Although I generally love what I'm doing - hot, steamy, pharmacist on patient action - because its what I've been trained to do there are a few, nagging details that they don't teach us in pharmacy school.

1. They never taught me how to talk loud enough to cover my patient's roomates poop noises coming out of her less than strategically placed commode.

2. They never taught me how to cover my nose with a necktie to cover the associated smell.

But I digress.

They also don't teach us how to take rejection from the uneducated population. Yes, I know I've spent five years in school learning, in depth, how to medicate you and resolve your drug related problems, but how dare I suggest that your family physician that you see once every six months for perhaps five minutes each visit may have been incorrect about something? Or even that the guidelines for treating diabetes have changed since 1973 (SURPRISE! You don't HAVE to go blind).

Let me fill you in, I know you crave to see how my mind works. I have this patient, lets call her Granny, cause she's a grandma and kind of reminds me of mine (although I never called either of my grandmothers granny). Anyway, she's in for her umpteenth heart attack, her kidney function is lower than a worms belly button and she's got maple syrup running through her veins. Ever the diligent pharmacy student, untempered by experience and naive to the world, I head to my trusty guidelines and develop the best damned care plan in the enitre world for her. New insulins and injections, tapered dosing and increased glucose monitoring. Damned if I'm this woman won't live to be two hundred, the way I've souped her up. After using my many counselling techniques to 'establish a relationship' or 'covenant' if you will, we share a tear about her life and family and I feel that change has been made. I order test after test to establish baseline functions and have every professional consulted to intervene on her behalf.

But, alas, its all for nothing. None of my lab values are requested like I asked, and it appears her doctor exists only in our imagninations. On day four of our time together I consult her with my plan before I leave for my four day weekend. She tells me that she doesn't feel comfortable making changes 'on her own, without her doctor's advice'. I'm dumbstruck! Was it not that very physician's recomendations that put her here in the first place? His lack of initiative to manager her case? And damned if she's doing this 'on her own'. I spent hours researching how to get her fat ass into the next decade alive. In the end I just about pinched a tear as I turned on my heel, past her ever pooping roomate, and returned to my hobbit-hole like office in the pharmacy.

In the end I made those recomendations to the attending, just to spite that old shrew. However, in the efficiency that is Canadian healthcare she was discharged on 'prescription', which of course lets all other healthcare professionals understand the complexity of her conditon. Bah, I'm too young to be this cynical.

This is an artists rendition of me after not having my recomendations even be read.

Uncanny

If you've read the post below, which you damn well better do before you read this... hold on, I'll wait.

Ok, now that you've read this, you'll agree that this weeks Redmeat comic is uncanny. I don't know if I'm using that word correctly, but bear with me. Bug Eyed Earl has a weird dream himself! Check it out:

Weird Dreams

Anyone ever dream that they were bit by a barn cat and then wondered whether or not it actually happened and if you should get the shots or not? Me too! Last night I was tossing and turning and ended up (in my dream world) in my old barn at the farm. I bent down to pick up this little fluffball and it bit me on the ends of both index fingers and then took off in a puff of white foam and hisses. I awoke with a start and was disoriented to both place and time. Not sure if what I dreamt had been real I panicked. How long would I have to wait to get these shots? How many were there... were they even necessary? And then I remembered from my pharmacy schooling... or something... that I'd need to cut the cats head open to find if it had rabies. Only thing was was that I was scared to find it again because it would bite me. Anyways, turns out I was still dreaming and I woke up when the buzzer went off... rabies free!

Regina - The Land of Opportunity

As many of you know, and many more of you don't, we will be picking up and moving down south to our fine province's capital, Regina sometime in the next month or two. Now, I've heard a few snickers and 'jokes' about my fair city and what it may or may not smell like, but I bet few of you know, and even fewer care, that:

1. The first ATM in Canada was set up by Sherwood Credit Union in Regina

2. Over thirty four types of marble are found in the Legislative Buildings

3. The Albert Street bridge is the is the longest bridge which stretches over the shortest body of water.

4. Regina was first known as Pile O' Bones

5. People living in Regina are called Reginans

Ok, this online list that I found was made by grade four students and sucks ass. So here's my list of Regina facts:

1. Regina is badass

2. That smell that crops up around mid summer gives people superpowers

3. Yes, the water tastes like shit, but the beer is more delicious

4. Regina is in close proximity to Southey!

5. Mayor Pat Fiacco's moustache houses a colony of dwarves that help him make decisions

6. The dome on the top of the Legislature looks like a boob... for you straight guys out there.. and Brenda.

7. One in four Reginans is named Richard

8. All of the trees in Regina were cleared out of the way and the land was bulldozed flat so that the pioneers could start fresh. (This one actually comes from a friend of mine who told this, in all sincerity, to our host families in Quebec.

9. What happened to the infamous 'Pile O' Bones'? It is currently being used to prop up Lorne Calvert's snaggle tooth.

10. It's better than Winnipeg could ever hope to be.

And just so you all know, this I heart Regina sign comes in button form, and you will all be getting one to wear right longside your ally pin... got it?

WORD, On the Street

Anybody who knows me knows that the one thing that brings me joy, aside from my button collection, is my support and involvement with inner city youth. Some youth in our fair city do not grow up with as much privilege as others, and its good to give them a voice.

At the cafeteria the other day we came upon Word on the Street - "A Free Journal for Youth and Urban Saskatoon". At first I thought to myself 'awesome, some kick ass literature for my lunch break!' This first thought quickly turned to dismay, and then hysteria as I read through "Being Jacked" by M.P. Now I'll copy an excerpt for my readers... nah, fuck it, I'll write out the whole damned thing:

Being jacked for personal belongings is a big problem in Saskatoon.

Hats are the most common thing being jacked, which is unfortunate because some hats can cost $50 +. If you have to buy a new hat every time someone runs off with it, you're going to be blowing all your money on hats. What really bugs me is people who don't have the guts to come up to me and tell me to give them my stuff, instead they grab the hat and run as fast as they can.


- Okay, so I'm not writing out the whole thing, but you get a hint. Seriously, though, I do believe in youth in the inner city getting opportunities, but this magazine is ridiculous. Half of the titles aren't checked for spelling (e.g. Rap Music and it's Affects on Me). My favorite is the "STreet Speak" feature in which youth are asked what job they would want, if they could do anything in the world. "a male teenager" responds "I'd work on the oil rigs" And thats why our youth are so successful, with that ambition and lust in their eyes.

So yes, I'm an asshole for poking fun at an honest attempt by our youth to make themselves feel successful but honestly, forcing success on a group doesn't necessarily make results happen. Let's not overinflate these kids egoes.

And, to seal the deal... these kids are paid to write these gems. Ta-Dah! What a use for taxpayer money

Hollywood's Homophobia

A really good article on CBC's website. It talks about the seemingly unending use of gays as the butt of blockbuster movies. Its not that I don't like the movies that they talk about. I laughed at Talladega Nights. I found it to be a bit overtly offensive on the gay front, but I found the redneck jokes to be hilarious. I guess its different strokes for different folks, but this is my point of view.

Read the link, its a good read. http://www.cbc.ca/arts/film/homophobic.html

Mutherfuckin' Potholes

I was driving home from work today and realized that as much as I love spring, I hate seeing what the snow leaves behind. Dirt, gravel, candy wrappers and chip bags... and since I'm the west side, syringes seem to be common. My favorite, however, is the potholes.

So not only do I have to dodge the 'riff raff' ambling across 20th street on my journey home, but I have to swerve at the last moment to prevent my axle from busting in half. I see that the city has gone out and patched a few, here and there, but those are already coming undone. (Note: Egbert and 109th St.)

I stopped and took a picture this morning during my commute.

Honestly, I know that doesn't look like Saskatoon, but remember, its the west side.

Anyway, I really hope they clean up this place soon. We wouldn't want Nelly Furtado to get stuck in Saskatoon making this city all promiscuous.

Eugenics Debate Pt. 2

Well that nasty little comment on how gay babies should be weeded out before they're born has had some backlash. Apparently the bigotted wacko's feel the need to remove protesters from their campus as well.

So much for 'starting a conversation' as he apparently intended to do. What a fuck head.

My favorite quote: "Mohler irked gay-rights supporters by asserting in a recent article that homosexuality would remain a sin even if it were biologically based"

Read on here: http://news.corporatecounselcentre.ca/ap/o/632/03-27-2007/1dcc0015154de9d1.html

Johnny Lemonhead

That lemon headed wanker is up to no good again in "Bubbling Bilge Pump Bisque", a vintage RedMeat comic.

Reminds me of my my childhood as a young boy.

Eugenics

I came across this article about genetically selecting 'superior' offspring. If a 'gay gene' was identified and used as a basis to terminate a fetus, would people do it? Some religious fundamentalists would be huge proponents of this, depsite their rejection of abortions as an acceptable practice.

Now I'm not saying that I don't believe in God, in fact I do go to Church and enjoy doing so, but the religious fanatics that spend more time using God's name to hate really piss me off. One could say that their narrow minds are a disease, as they say we are. Anyways, here's an article you should read on the topic.

http://365gay.com/opinion/besen/besen.htm

Brendawg

Just a shout out to my Lil' Buddy, Brendawg, in Winterpeg, Manitoba. She'll be doing her final SPEP there at some forensic something or other.

Good for her, eh?

Yet when my teachers do it, no one bats an eye

This in from Albania - teachers get drunk and do each other. Wow... I can't imagine what it would have been like if my teachers were doing each other... although they might have been a bit more pleasant.

This is hilarious: http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSL2357620220070324

A Pharmacist Blog

I've been surfing around on the net a bit today and found this blog about a pharmacist in Texas. Has some good stories and perspectives. A good read.

http://www.jimplagakis.com/

Breaking News

So last night I heard some bumping around and figured 'enough is enough, its time to let that devil clown under my bed know that he doesn't control me any longer'. Down I went, into the dusty abyss under my mattress and wrestled for what seemed like days. The battle went one way and another, each of us scoring what woul dhave been, for a lesser man, fatal blows. By the early hours of the morning I emerged victorious and cast my enemy into the faint light.

I managed to snap a picture of the beast. Here he is, the devil clown from under my bed.

Judge says both parties in transvestite case have serious credibility issues

Another link from 'Diversions'. Sometimes I wish I would have pursued a law degree, being the judge in this situation would be the tits.

http://www.cbc.ca/cp/Oddities/070316/K031613AU.html

And as a final note on that... how do you have sexual relations with someone for 'many months' and get engaged and NOT know that you're sleeping with a tranny? Another reason you should always leave the lights on.

SkyWest airline apologizes to passenger forced to urinate in air-sickness bag

From the world of CBC's 'Diversions' listings... a man was told that he couldn't use the onboard bathroom and ended up peeing in an air sickness bag.

Lets just hope to God that there wasn't turbulence. Nothing worse than sitting behind that guy and getting your feet wet.

http://www.cbc.ca/cp/Oddities/070316/K031629AU.html

"I don't like taking pills"

This might be my all time, most hated quote from patients. Especially when I was working at the cancer centre. These people are being pumped full of poison that is pushing them towards an inch of their lives - naturally you will feel like shit for a few days. When I offer you some way of preventing the nausea, vomiting, diarrhea and heartburn that will surely ensue, don't tell me that you 'dont like taking pills'.

Case #1 - A patient comes in for her third round of chemo and I go in to drop off her steroids to prevent her from becoming a human fountain a few days later. I then ask her how her last round went. She says that she did, in fact, become a human fountain and could hardly get out of bed. I asked her how she took her meds (a pharmacist trick to see if they listened to us time without being condescending). She replied, oh, I didn't take them, I figured I was on enough medication and didn't need to pop pills. She went on about how sick she was. If the cancer wasn't going to kill her, I would have. Anyways, I told her that if she wanted to feel better, she needs to take her meds that I'm giving her. Moron.

Case #2 - A patient came in for another round of chemo and ended up puking all over the floor before the drugs even went into her. This sometimes happens when people associate a certain setting with past nauseating experiences, which is why we gave her gravol, dexamethasone and ondansetron before she came in. She failed to take them of course, because she "didn't like taking pills". Argh.

Case #3 - This one is from community experience, and isn't so much a case as it is a collective observation. If you don't take your blood pressure/antibiotic/antidepressant pills you most likely won't get better. I know you sometimes can't feel the effects of too little blood pressure/antibiotic/antidepressant drugs in your body, but it does affect how you feel. Take your damn pills.

That pretty much sums up my rant for today. I figured since I'm staying home from work due to the flu I should do something pharmacy related... such as bitching. Cheers!

And the winner is...

I know I said I'd declare a winner of the caption contest a while ago... but I'm lazy, wanna fight about it? Maybe later.

After searching hard (or hardly searching, eh? hah!...) I decided the winner is:

"You must be this handicapped to ride this attraction. "

by 'Barns'

Close runners up were Brendawg and DY... which evidently were the only other people to post.

It was a tough race I declare the winner and best of luck whenever I feel like posting another contest.

Oh, and here's your beer -

Happy St. Patrick's Day

I know its kinda late, but I'm wishing everyone a happy St. Patty's Day. It might just be the best darned day in the whole calendar, being as though its named after me... or my middle name. At least thats what I was always told. So, as you may have thought, Martin Luther King Jr. Day is NOT named after me, March 17th is! Got it? Good.

So how did I spend MY St. Patty's Day? In a very UN-Irish fashion, I worked. Later on I went to a home show down at Prairieland, which was entertaining. However, I seem to be ending the festivities off with the flu. And having the flu is balls. Absolutely no fun.

Summary: St. Patrick's Day, NOT Martin Luther King Jr. Day is named after me, and having the flu is balls. I hope you learned something today.

Today's Wacky World News

I was reading the good ol' CBC online today... when I should have been working on a dosage adjumtment chart for the cancer centre... but anyways, I came across this news article about a woman who had given birth and a few hours later attended a basketball game.

Now I know I'm not really a 'sports guy' but I fail to see how a game could be as important as the early life bonding that a mother needs to do with her infant. I'm shocked that she would take a neonate to a game.

However, despite my shock, I'm still delightfully amused that this article would make the national news. As effed up as this baby is going to be later on in life all I can say is Rock On Momma, Rock On.

http://www.cbc.ca/cp/Oddities/070314/K031411AU.html