The Ultimate Guide To The Awesome

Troll

2008-06-18T00:10:00.003-06:00

So I work with a troll. I'm sure you all recall stories from your childhood about a troll who lived under a bridge. Well she's gotten a day job at my pharmacy... bridge prices are just as crazy as house prices in Regina these days!

Its not so much that she's a bad person, but she stinks. She smells like if I put out a dozen cigarettes in a can of rotten fish. And then that can of butts didn't bathe since the late 90's.

She was hired because all of our good staff left for better pay, which I don't fault them for, but we were so hard up that we hired the first thing that came in. Actually, thats not true, the first two resumes we got were from our benzo addicted patients - no thank you.

Still, this troll has zero work ethic (I have a degree that exempts me from sweeping floors, whats her excuse?) and has the nerve to complain about how we work her so hard. But its the coughing that really drives me nuts. She hacks her lungs up at least 25 times per shift. And she hates me because I don't talk to her.

So my gracious manager has been keeping me on different shifts than her for the past few months, which I'm very thankful for. However, my manager hates her coughing and hacking and wheezing as much as I do and confronted her the other day.

Manager: You wouldn't be coughing so bad if you quit smoking you know.
Troll: Oh, its not my smoking... I've really cut back, its just that certain smells bother me.
M: Oh really, what sorts of smells.
T: Well certain odors, or perfumes.... sometimes the customers smell and it makes me cough
M: What about when you're back here counting pills? No one has any smells.
T: Well, Mike has a smell about him... it really makes me sick.

Yes... the woman who smells like a poorly maintained manure pile has the audacity to accuse me of stinkage! To hell with her, I say. I had, up till now, maintained an air of professionalism with her and just ignored her unintelligent babble and laziness but now I'm gonna turn up the bitch.

I'm just trying to come up with a stinging commentary on her 'badly cut' mullet that can be delivered as a one liner. I'm open to suggestions.

F*cking Cold

2008-01-17T21:47:00.000-06:00

So, as you may or may not have noticed, its f*cking cold out. (I don't know why I used the * in place of the u because I normally use the f word like a hooker uses crack on this blog).

I just got in from a walk in the blustery weather that has graced our fair capital city as of late. It is -23 degrees (Celsius for you American folk) but feels like -33 with the wind chill. I don't know how they figure out what it 'feels like' although I'm sure there's a completely logical explanation. However, I don't care. I imagine it goes something like this.

Scientist #1: How cold is it out there?
Scientist #2: I dunno, its fucking cold, probably about -33 degrees.
Scientist #1: Eureka!

And they do it with snotty British accents and instead of saying 'minus thirty three' they would say 'negative thirty three'. You know how they are.

So anyway, I just about froze my face off. However I'm not as bitter about winter yet as I was last year around this time. I think its because I'm living downtown and seeing all the big ol' trees that look all pretty in the winter time. Small things like that get me through.

Moral of the story... if you want to just about die because you've underdressed like a moron but yet still feel the need to walk far enough way from your house that you know you might not make it back alive yet still want to be amazed at the beauty that is winter, then walk through Regina. We have it all!

Bobby Flay is Awesome

2007-12-05T22:52:00.001-06:00

I know that there probably aren't a lot of people out there who follow the Food Network as religiously as I do (every waking hour that isn't spent at work) which means that many of you are probably missing out on the awesomeness that is Iron Chef Bobby Flay.
This man is not only the best Iron Chef... which may be contested by some of those in the Mario Batali camp, but they can go fuck themselves... but he's an awesome guy too. How do I know this you ask? I've made up some scenarios and have made decisions based on how I thought he would react. Such as:

1. An orphanage is burning down and the children can't get out because their scurvy is so bad that they can't even stand up. Luckily Iron Chef Flay is around, he's made up a succulent lamb kebab braised in a lemon broth and covered with shaved black truffles. This helps to nourish the children and provides much needed ascorbic acid (vitamin C to losers like you) and protein to mobilize their sorry unloved carcasses out of the burning building. Good one Chef Flay!

2. A bus full of nuns is taken hostage by Colombian guerillas. Chef Flay arrives on the scene and prepares a feast that starts off with a lobster tartar, and poached eggs in red wine, then moves into a robust swordfish steak with peanut and mango glaze. He finishes it off with a smooth and delicate jalapeno ice cream (cause its not Bobby Flay without spice). Knowing that the Colombian rebels are deathly allergic to shellfish, peanuts and also lactose intolerant he has foiled their plan and the nuns are free to return to the convent and will live to pray another day. No one gets by Iron Chef Flay!

3. The nation is attacked by terrorists with a so called 'dirty bomb' and we're vulnerable to high levels of radiation and increased risks of cancer! Iron Chef Flay to the rescue where he prepares the most savoury banana split ever witnessed. Knowing that what we need now is a mega dose of potassium to prevent our bodies from picking up radioactive K+ Chef Flay has saved the day yet again.

So clearly, Bobby Flay is probably the greatest hero since Gandhi. Wait, Gandhi went on a hunger strike. He so would have caved had he been present in Kitchen Stadium... and therefore Bobby Flay beats Gandhi... take that India.

In conclusion, Bobby Flay is awesome.

Jalopenos

2007-09-23T20:26:00.000-06:00

I grew some hot effin peppers!

This year I tested my green thumb by growing some hot peppers. And, due to my usual procrastination and typical laziness, I waited until the garden centres were just about to shut their doors to buy my start up plants. Thus, my peppers are just now maturing... with a few more plants still in bloom, I know, sad.

Anywho, the jalopenos have taken off the best and have produced a few spicy little beauties for me in all shades of green and red, like the devil's Christmas tree. Tonight, we made a salad for supper, cause I'm all health conscious and shit, and since we had this pile of hot peppers sitting on the window sill, like all of my produce, we added them into the salad.

Lets just say that a tossed salad should be tossed a little better when jalapenos are involved. I think I ate two whole peppers out of the bottom of my bowl.

I dread tomorrow.

Seniors Drug Plan Sucks

2007-09-15T15:57:00.000-06:00

"Under the Seniors' Drug Plan, all Saskatchewan residents 65 years of age and older are eligible. Seniors will be automatically covered based on Health Registration Card information; no application is required. The program will go into effect on July 1, 2007.
Low-income seniors receiving the Guaranteed Income Supplement, Saskatchewan Income Plan or Special Support coverage who currently pay less than $15 per prescription will continue to do so. Palliative care patients and those covered by Saskatchewan Aids to Independent Living (SAIL) will continue to receive Saskatchewan Formulary drugs at no cost."

-from the Government of Saskatchewan website http://www.gov.sk.ca/budget0708/drugplan

The Saskatchewan Prescription Drug Plan will cost Saskatchewan taxpayers $262,485,000 this year, up from $201,936,000 last year (from:http://www.gov.sk.ca/adx/aspx/adxGetMedia.aspx?DocID=799,1,Documents&MediaID=973&Filename=07-08-Finance-BudgetEstimates-En.pdf). Although I couldn't find a breakdown of how much this $15 plan will cost the taxpayers, as a pharmacist, let me tell you thats it a lot.

Now, I don't have a problem with paying for necessary medications, in fact I'm all for ensuring that people have quick and affordable access to necessary drugs. So whats my problem with this new drug plan aimed at those over 65? They already had a system set up for lower income families who needed the subsidy. No one in Saskatchewan should want for medications... there has been a formula for years that compares how much you make to your drug expenditures and ensures that you get access to those medications. So if these seniors actually needed a medication to live but couldn't afford it, the government paid for it already. This new drug plan isn't really helping anyone and its costing us millions of dollars that could go to other causes, such as helping those with mental illness, community healthcare and education about preventing disease.

Many seniors have a large bank account to begin with, they don't need the government's help to pay for their Lipitor or Pariet. Of course they appreciate it, which shows that this is simply a vote buying tactic. Schizophrenic people don't vote in numbers like the penny pinching seniors, now do they, so why would we spend money on them?

As far as the launch of this program goes, the government effed it up too. Watching ads on this plan and reading articles, one would expect that if you're over 65 all you will have to pay is 15 bucks for anything. Most people don't understand what the formulary is or care to learn about it. So they get pissed when certain medications, Viagra, for instance, aren't covered by this new plan. They get pissed that they have to pay $15 for each medication, not just their total for the month, and they don't understand why the pharmacist is ripping them off.

Yes, we, the pharmacists who are helping you get your medications are ripping you off. Maybe the government should have explained that the formulary is a list of drugs that they will pay for. Drugs that are not listed in the formulary will not be covered. There is a seperate list called EDS drugs for which you need to be approved by Sask Health before you can receive these medications for $15. Where was that in the ads? Common medicines for the elderly such as alendronate, the PPI's, etc are generally listed as EDS drugs. Why were the public not informed of all the intricacies of the plan before it was rolled out? Why did the government not back up the pharmacists who were out there administering this plan? We're stuck looking like the bad guys, as if we're in charge of what they have to pay.

Also, people are now using more medications. Instead of trying cheaper alternatives, now they're all the same price, so lets take them all! Instead of preventing heart disease through lifestyle management, now you can treat it for the low low price of $15 per month! More money for another Big Mac, eh?

In summary, I think this is a stupid way to spend money. This program doesn't benefit the people who need it the most, it only benefits those who will vote NDP. I hope they scrap it soon, because right now we're cashing tomorrow's cheque to pay for the past. Stupid.

Where's the 'Profen?

2007-09-14T12:18:00.000-06:00

You know what makes me laugh? Jokes... but also this... people who argue with the pharmacist about medications that they've just made up.

A lady did that obnoxious shaking of the box in front of our glass cage thing yesterday and asked "Where's the 'profen?". After she quit rattling the box at me I could clearly see that she was indeed holding up a box of generic ibuprofen.

"That is the ibuprofen, its our store brand Advil." I replied, somewhat annoyed... well, in my general tone.

"Yes, I know that, but I want just regular profen, not ibuprofen."

Before I burst out laughing in this poor woman's face another pharmacist went out to help her. Probably a good thing too, that store pushed my sanity to the edge.

City Life

2007-09-13T21:52:00.000-06:00

We were enjoying our leisurely Sunday afternoon this past week at a downtown coffee shop on a busy street having a good time. The crowd was bustling by and the patio of the coffee shop was pretty busy, when "Get out of my way, pedophile" could be heard over the din.

We swiveled around and saw a somewhat greasy looking woman with a backpack and sunglasses on, looking like an overgrown child, walking fairly quickly down the street. She was looking at the ground and completely by herself, yelling for this 'pedophile' to leave her alone. "I'm going to call the police, pedophile, leave me alone, pedophile!"

My first reaction was to watch what she was going to do and kind of chuckle about the situation, it was pretty funny. The other patrons were nervously laughing and one chick was relaying the sitch over the phone to her friend. Then it dawned on me that she, as someone was obviously mentally ill, or an actor, whatever, really believed that a pedophile was chasing her. That was kind of scary.

I can't imagine how this woman must get through life on a daily basis, filled with fear and seeing and hearing things that aren't real. No one to help her, but just laugh as she passes by. It made me sad that there wasn't a place for her to go, people to look after her.
Granted, I know damn well that there are services out there, but if there's one part of healthcare that is underfunded, in my opinion, its mental health services. Fuck the senior's discount, that money should go to help this lady get away from her demons.

Maybe I do have a soul, weird.

Bleach

2007-09-09T13:16:00.000-06:00

Working yesterday at one of the little pharmacies I work at I had an interesting question.

"How much bleach is too much to drink?" asked the woman, who was a little hesitant in her question. I assumed her demeanor was due to the ridiculous nature of the question.

Not quite sure how to respond, I asked her "How much did you drink?"

"Well, to be honest, not a lot. I had a glass on my nightstand and took a drink, I thought it was water but spit it out as soon as I realized it wasn't." she replied.

"Well, I don't think you've done too much damage if you didn't swallow any, I'd say you should probably drink lots of water today though, just to dilute anything that may have gone down." I had absolutely no idea what I was talking about but hoped that I sounded confident enough to not scare her into going to poison control.

She left with a sheepish look on her face and we were both kind of laughing at the situation. It was pretty funny... no one was hurt, right? Lets hope.

Moral of the story: If you're going to leave a glass of bleach just lying around, maybe slap a label on it. Or... sniff whatever you're about to drink before you drink it.

Miserable Ass

2007-08-24T14:57:00.000-06:00

Things like this make me chuckle.

Tales From the Pharmacy

2007-08-24T14:42:00.001-06:00

I've been doing a lot of relief work at different pharmacies lately and have come across quite a variety of people. This latest tale takes place in a very busy community pharmacy where the third year student was busting her ass trying to keep up with the mound of Rx's waiting to be done.

The phone rings, its a jack ass doctor calling in a prescription for one of his jack ass patients. (Actually it turns out she was a sweetheart of a patient, but the doctor, still a jack ass). The student answers the phone and states that she is a student, and assures the doc that she can take the Rx over the phone. When he tells her to just 'renew them all for a year' she asks which ones. He rambles off some list spoken in broken English with a thick accent and probably with his mouth full of Big Mac... cause thats how these doc's roll. We can tell that she's flustered by this crappy method of renewals but hangs up the phone and frantically goes through the profile trying to find out which ones he meant.

The other pharmacists and I hate this kinda shit... and decide that if he wants to renew his Rx's he can sign a piece of paper and fax it to us. We print off the entire profile and ask him to do exactly that... it turns out to be 7 pages long. Within minutes the phone rings again and I answer to a very irate doctor saying that he's exhausted with dealing with people who don't know what they're doing and he's irritated with having to do so much work. He states that our student was not vigilant enough and that she must improve her vigilance if she plans on getting ahead. I reply that his list was quite long and that we prefer to have them state each medication and directions before hanging up, you know, for patient safety's sake. Thats why we faxed it over, so we could be sure thats what he meant.

He said that the patient brought in a list and he just ok'd them, and that he wasn't sure what the list was anymore cause she took the list back. I then asked him to tell me again what meds he wanted her on to which he replied "How the hell am I supposed to know what she should be on?" and hung up. So much for vigilance.

It's Been A While

2007-08-04T17:05:00.000-06:00

But I'm not dead.

Contrary to popular belief, I am not dead, but simply haven't put out a new blog in quite some time. Is blogging 'over'? Has the fad passed, or to some of you... did it ever really exist?

Well, yes, it was dorky, and remains so. But I think I will have to share my wisdom with the world yet again, and this is the easiest means to do so. Hopefully I'll update soon.

Stay tuned!

Pharmacy Joke

2007-05-20T00:54:00.000-06:00

Three pregnant women are sitting in their gynecologist's office waiting for their appointments. They are each knitting a sweater for their baby. The first woman opens up her purse takes out a tablet and swallows it. The other women ask, "What was that?" to which she replies "Folic acid, its good for the baby."

The second woman opens up her purse and takes out a tablet. Looking at her fellow waiting room friends she says "It's calcium, its good for both the baby and me." The mothers to be return to their knitting.

Some time later the third woman picks up her purse and pops a pill. The other ask her, "What was that, minerals? vitamins? supplements?" To which she replies "No, its Thalidomide... I'm terrible at making sleeves."

Viva Las Vegas

2007-05-10T19:40:00.000-06:00

We're heading to Las Vegas for one last break before I convocate and have to hit the daily grind at the Drugstore. I've never been to Vegas before, and actually haven't been to the US since I was four and took a weekend trip down to Minot, North Dakota. Although that was the pinnacle of my existence up until now, it shall be replaced with the Vegas adventure.
We'll be staying in the fabulous Stratosphere hotel for four nights. The hotel has the tallest observation tower in the US or some stupid thing like that... but on top, there's rides and shit. I'm pretty excited.

Also, I'd like to see Wayne Newton, because look at him, he's freakin Wayne Newton. I don't actually know any of his songs, but I've always identified him as being from Las Vegas. I'm hoping to get a picture with him, or Celine Dion, maybe both of them, in a headlock. Yeah, that'd be sweet.

We're also going to a Cirque Du Soleil show "Ka" (although I think there's some weird French accent in there, but I don't want to put it in). No experience with this 'circus' but I'm sure it'll be a memorable experience.

I'm hoping there's hookers too... lots of hookers.

And... is there anything I absolutely must see? Let me know.

Ta-Da!

2007-05-10T18:13:00.000-06:00

I've finished all the req's to be a pharmacist now. I really should be studying for my licensing exams (the dreaded PEBC/OSCE) but as per usual my hands off approach seems to prevail. Luckily for me Saskatchewan offers a conditional license, so failing won't hinder my job at all. Just kidding, I'm gonna kick ass on this exam.

Actually, for the past few days I was assessing the personal profile portion of the pharmacy entrance exam. To say that the submissions inspired me would be a lie, but lets pretend it did. As I finish up my univeristy degree these little whippersnappers (of which I'm sure 80% are older than me) are just trying to start theirs. I guess one could find inspiration in that, so I'll be that person for today. Maybe its the sunshine, or the LSD, but I'm just kind of in a good mood.

In Response to "Rambling Dave"

2007-05-03T08:40:00.000-06:00

I figured it was time for an update despite my impending exam this afternoon. Rambling Dave apparently commented on my last post and I figured this would be a good topic for a post. I copied and pasted it here for your reading convenience:

Rambling Dave said...
Mike,I was refered to your blog by a listener.Three thoughts for you (although, I am an ass clown so it seems unlikely that you will give them much consideration)... (1) I am not anonynous when I sling it.(2) There is an off button. (3) You will have more impact with less vitriol. Radio is a funny business. It's free to the user. But, I think that because it's music which tends to be very personal people get really worked up about it. If we are not to your taste, don't listen. One of the problems in a community the size of ours is that there are not enough radio stations to serve everyone's taste.Regards,Rambling Davewww.C95.comDave@C95.com
5:58 AM

And here is my response:

Rambling Dave, although I think you are an ass clown I will give your comment due consideration as I'm always considerate of my readers, yes, all five of them. Anyway, I find your comment to be a little lacking in thought. First, I'm not anonymous and if need be I could 'sling' this publicly, I really think you are that unfunny. Although there is an 'off button' if you read earlier up in my post you would see that I don't have other listening options and as much as I hate to say it, you may be the lesser of the evils. No wait, thats not true, I just like to bitch. As for your third point I am not here to make an impact. I don't want you to lose your job or make some broad changes to Saskatoon's radio scene, this was just a rant on my little blog.

As for the limited options in such a small community, as you put it, I would point you to the radio stations in Regina which offer quite a diverse range of listening options. From the tragically unhumorous CC, Lori and Buzz to the antics of The Wolf and all the way down to the country spectrum, Regina offers many different types of shows and playlists. Further, according to the latest census Regina actually has FEWER people than Saskatoon! How could they have more radio stations if your argument is to hold water?

Clearly the only answer is that Saskatoon radio sucks. I don't enjoy your show and I don't think many people do, maybe you can do a Rambling Dave poll on that one. Either way, this was just a little rant on my little ol' blog, no need to get your panties in a knot.

Regards,

Mike

Saskatoon Radio Sucks!

2007-04-18T18:23:00.000-06:00

As if I didn't have enough reasons to want to leave Saskatoon, here's one more... radio. I'm a fan of music. Unfortunately I'm cursed with not having a compact disc player in my vehicle, or satellite radio. I do have an iPod radio thing, but thats a pain in the ass to set up for daily commutes. So I have no choice but to listen to the radio. The radio that is pumped into my car 24 hours a day, seven days a week for FREE! Well you get what you pay for.

But lets cut to the chase. Saskatoon radio is airwave vomit. If they held a competition to find the most annoying and socially retarded people in the country, they'd find Rob, Shawna and Ramblin' Dave. What kind of radio name is "Ramblin' Dave"? Might as well have picked 'Babblin' Bill' or 'Retard Russ'. Anyway, its not enough that I have to listen to the shitty light rock and teenage girl pop on my morning commute every day but those damned ass clowns keep interrupting my few moments of peace during KC's 'Since U Been Gone'. I don't fuckin' care how many pairs of shoes Shawna Foster or indeed, the entire city of Saskatoon has in their closet. I know Shawna's a douchebag regardless of the fact that she owns 50 pair. And Ramblin' Dave.. fyi... you don't know it all and if you want to end each 'Random Ramble' with a 'tip' make sure its a real fuckin tip. Advice usually ends with you suggesting something, not just crapping out of your disgusting mouth.

Ramblin' Dave definitely has a 'face for radio'

And onto Rock 102. I'm sorry, but you need to play rock music to qualify to be a rock station. That means no Avril Lavigne. She has her place, now learn yours. Also, who the hell named someone Gregger? or Gregor or whatever? Call yourself Greg because you effin' irritate me. Further, where is this 'Cast of Thousands' that you claim to have each and every morning? I'd like to hear what they have to say instead of your tired old stories day after friggin day. I almost feel that calling them radio 'personalities' is a fib.... and I'm no fibber.

The diarrhea icing on the shit cake that is Saskatoon's airwaves is 'Coffee Talk with Vic Dubois' Who is this guy and why is he being played every morning (and afternoon, as I found out today) with his monotone voice and lack of anything interesting to say? Everytime I hear his voice I want to honk my horn to drown him out, or swerve into oncoming traffic. No, actually, I'd rather hear Beyonce's 'Irreplacable' sung as a duet with Fran Drescher and Gilbert Gottfried... and just the super annoying 'to the left' part all the way from my house to work than hear another one of those GD Coffee Talks.

"To the left, to the left... To the left, to the left.. To the left, to the left... To the left, to the left.. To the left, to the left.."

Oh, I forgot those Saskatoon Job Shop commercials. Your joke about the irritated boss eating donuts was mildly amusing the first time you played it. Weird how the four hundred times you play it each day doesn't add to that amusing quality. I'd rather be unemployed than search for a job with you. Go to hell.

So, as you can see, Saskatoon radio is balls. I'm excited to listen to some Chris and Ballsy in Regina... those guys are a good time. Funny how Regina can have such kick ass radio, but Saskatoon can't manage to muster up one decent 'personality'.

Anyway, I'm spent. I'm Mike, I know it all and this has been 'I hate Saskatoon Radio' rant.

Prejudice Tolerated is Tolerance Encouraged

2007-04-14T22:46:00.000-06:00

From Perez Hilton's website... which is generally trash, well almost exclusively trash.... an actually decent article. Read it:

http://perezhilton.com/topics/gay_gay_gay/very_nicely_said_20070414.php

Fourth Ever Super Fantastic Caption Contest Spectacular!

2007-04-14T21:06:00.000-06:00

You know the drill. Get to it.

Grand Prize: A date with me!

Okay, but don't let it happen again!

2007-04-13T22:53:00.000-06:00

So spring may or may not have arrived. Y'all can tank me for giving Mother Nature a sternly worded warning... or you can tHank me... but either one works.

Anyway, to whoever controls the weather, whether it be the winds, the sun or some fat guy named El Nino, I'll let your cold ass April slide this year, but don't let it happen again, aight?

My Feelings Toward Winter

2007-04-10T23:57:00.000-06:00

I'm getting sick of this cold, miserable weather. Quit toying with me, Mother Nature, or I'm not going to feel so guilty the next time I leave the lights on, the car running, use old fashioned CFC spray cans, burn tires. Just kidding, global warming is bad, but so is being cold.

I'm Not a Doctor, But I'm Still Smarter Than You

2007-04-10T22:04:00.000-06:00

"Yet another post on how its so tough to be a pharmacist!" you're probably thinking. Well cram it up your stink hole, cause the rant is coming whether you like it or not.

Working at St. Paul's puts me in direct contact with the unwashed, hospitalized masses. Although I generally love what I'm doing - hot, steamy, pharmacist on patient action - because its what I've been trained to do there are a few, nagging details that they don't teach us in pharmacy school.

1. They never taught me how to talk loud enough to cover my patient's roomates poop noises coming out of her less than strategically placed commode.

2. They never taught me how to cover my nose with a necktie to cover the associated smell.

But I digress.

They also don't teach us how to take rejection from the uneducated population. Yes, I know I've spent five years in school learning, in depth, how to medicate you and resolve your drug related problems, but how dare I suggest that your family physician that you see once every six months for perhaps five minutes each visit may have been incorrect about something? Or even that the guidelines for treating diabetes have changed since 1973 (SURPRISE! You don't HAVE to go blind).

Let me fill you in, I know you crave to see how my mind works. I have this patient, lets call her Granny, cause she's a grandma and kind of reminds me of mine (although I never called either of my grandmothers granny). Anyway, she's in for her umpteenth heart attack, her kidney function is lower than a worms belly button and she's got maple syrup running through her veins. Ever the diligent pharmacy student, untempered by experience and naive to the world, I head to my trusty guidelines and develop the best damned care plan in the enitre world for her. New insulins and injections, tapered dosing and increased glucose monitoring. Damned if I'm this woman won't live to be two hundred, the way I've souped her up. After using my many counselling techniques to 'establish a relationship' or 'covenant' if you will, we share a tear about her life and family and I feel that change has been made. I order test after test to establish baseline functions and have every professional consulted to intervene on her behalf.

But, alas, its all for nothing. None of my lab values are requested like I asked, and it appears her doctor exists only in our imagninations. On day four of our time together I consult her with my plan before I leave for my four day weekend. She tells me that she doesn't feel comfortable making changes 'on her own, without her doctor's advice'. I'm dumbstruck! Was it not that very physician's recomendations that put her here in the first place? His lack of initiative to manager her case? And damned if she's doing this 'on her own'. I spent hours researching how to get her fat ass into the next decade alive. In the end I just about pinched a tear as I turned on my heel, past her ever pooping roomate, and returned to my hobbit-hole like office in the pharmacy.

In the end I made those recomendations to the attending, just to spite that old shrew. However, in the efficiency that is Canadian healthcare she was discharged on 'prescription', which of course lets all other healthcare professionals understand the complexity of her conditon. Bah, I'm too young to be this cynical.

This is an artists rendition of me after not having my recomendations even be read.

Uncanny

2007-04-10T21:18:00.000-06:00

If you've read the post below, which you damn well better do before you read this... hold on, I'll wait.

Ok, now that you've read this, you'll agree that this weeks Redmeat comic is uncanny. I don't know if I'm using that word correctly, but bear with me. Bug Eyed Earl has a weird dream himself! Check it out:

Weird Dreams

2007-04-10T20:18:00.000-06:00

Anyone ever dream that they were bit by a barn cat and then wondered whether or not it actually happened and if you should get the shots or not? Me too! Last night I was tossing and turning and ended up (in my dream world) in my old barn at the farm. I bent down to pick up this little fluffball and it bit me on the ends of both index fingers and then took off in a puff of white foam and hisses. I awoke with a start and was disoriented to both place and time. Not sure if what I dreamt had been real I panicked. How long would I have to wait to get these shots? How many were there... were they even necessary? And then I remembered from my pharmacy schooling... or something... that I'd need to cut the cats head open to find if it had rabies. Only thing was was that I was scared to find it again because it would bite me. Anyways, turns out I was still dreaming and I woke up when the buzzer went off... rabies free!

Regina - The Land of Opportunity

2007-04-10T19:56:00.000-06:00

As many of you know, and many more of you don't, we will be picking up and moving down south to our fine province's capital, Regina sometime in the next month or two. Now, I've heard a few snickers and 'jokes' about my fair city and what it may or may not smell like, but I bet few of you know, and even fewer care, that:

1. The first ATM in Canada was set up by Sherwood Credit Union in Regina

2. Over thirty four types of marble are found in the Legislative Buildings

3. The Albert Street bridge is the is the longest bridge which stretches over the shortest body of water.

4. Regina was first known as Pile O' Bones

5. People living in Regina are called Reginans

Ok, this online list that I found was made by grade four students and sucks ass. So here's my list of Regina facts:

1. Regina is badass

2. That smell that crops up around mid summer gives people superpowers

3. Yes, the water tastes like shit, but the beer is more delicious

4. Regina is in close proximity to Southey!

5. Mayor Pat Fiacco's moustache houses a colony of dwarves that help him make decisions

6. The dome on the top of the Legislature looks like a boob... for you straight guys out there.. and Brenda.

7. One in four Reginans is named Richard

8. All of the trees in Regina were cleared out of the way and the land was bulldozed flat so that the pioneers could start fresh. (This one actually comes from a friend of mine who told this, in all sincerity, to our host families in Quebec.

9. What happened to the infamous 'Pile O' Bones'? It is currently being used to prop up Lorne Calvert's snaggle tooth.

10. It's better than Winnipeg could ever hope to be.

And just so you all know, this I heart Regina sign comes in button form, and you will all be getting one to wear right longside your ally pin... got it?

WORD, On the Street

2007-04-10T19:43:00.000-06:00

Anybody who knows me knows that the one thing that brings me joy, aside from my button collection, is my support and involvement with inner city youth. Some youth in our fair city do not grow up with as much privilege as others, and its good to give them a voice.

At the cafeteria the other day we came upon Word on the Street - "A Free Journal for Youth and Urban Saskatoon". At first I thought to myself 'awesome, some kick ass literature for my lunch break!' This first thought quickly turned to dismay, and then hysteria as I read through "Being Jacked" by M.P. Now I'll copy an excerpt for my readers... nah, fuck it, I'll write out the whole damned thing:

Being jacked for personal belongings is a big problem in Saskatoon.

Hats are the most common thing being jacked, which is unfortunate because some hats can cost $50 +. If you have to buy a new hat every time someone runs off with it, you're going to be blowing all your money on hats. What really bugs me is people who don't have the guts to come up to me and tell me to give them my stuff, instead they grab the hat and run as fast as they can.

- Okay, so I'm not writing out the whole thing, but you get a hint. Seriously, though, I do believe in youth in the inner city getting opportunities, but this magazine is ridiculous. Half of the titles aren't checked for spelling (e.g. Rap Music and it's Affects on Me). My favorite is the "STreet Speak" feature in which youth are asked what job they would want, if they could do anything in the world. "a male teenager" responds "I'd work on the oil rigs" And thats why our youth are so successful, with that ambition and lust in their eyes.

So yes, I'm an asshole for poking fun at an honest attempt by our youth to make themselves feel successful but honestly, forcing success on a group doesn't necessarily make results happen. Let's not overinflate these kids egoes.

And, to seal the deal... these kids are paid to write these gems. Ta-Dah! What a use for taxpayer money

Hollywood's Homophobia

2007-03-31T17:22:00.000-06:00

A really good article on CBC's website. It talks about the seemingly unending use of gays as the butt of blockbuster movies. Its not that I don't like the movies that they talk about. I laughed at Talladega Nights. I found it to be a bit overtly offensive on the gay front, but I found the redneck jokes to be hilarious. I guess its different strokes for different folks, but this is my point of view.

Read the link, its a good read. http://www.cbc.ca/arts/film/homophobic.html

Mutherfuckin' Potholes

2007-03-29T20:25:00.000-06:00

I was driving home from work today and realized that as much as I love spring, I hate seeing what the snow leaves behind. Dirt, gravel, candy wrappers and chip bags... and since I'm the west side, syringes seem to be common. My favorite, however, is the potholes.

So not only do I have to dodge the 'riff raff' ambling across 20th street on my journey home, but I have to swerve at the last moment to prevent my axle from busting in half. I see that the city has gone out and patched a few, here and there, but those are already coming undone. (Note: Egbert and 109th St.)

I stopped and took a picture this morning during my commute.

Honestly, I know that doesn't look like Saskatoon, but remember, its the west side.

Anyway, I really hope they clean up this place soon. We wouldn't want Nelly Furtado to get stuck in Saskatoon making this city all promiscuous.

Eugenics Debate Pt. 2

2007-03-27T20:20:00.000-06:00

Well that nasty little comment on how gay babies should be weeded out before they're born has had some backlash. Apparently the bigotted wacko's feel the need to remove protesters from their campus as well.

So much for 'starting a conversation' as he apparently intended to do. What a fuck head.

My favorite quote: "Mohler irked gay-rights supporters by asserting in a recent article that homosexuality would remain a sin even if it were biologically based"

Read on here: http://news.corporatecounselcentre.ca/ap/o/632/03-27-2007/1dcc0015154de9d1.html

Johnny Lemonhead

2007-03-24T17:47:00.000-06:00

That lemon headed wanker is up to no good again in "Bubbling Bilge Pump Bisque", a vintage RedMeat comic.

Reminds me of my my childhood as a young boy.

Eugenics

2007-03-24T17:27:00.000-06:00

I came across this article about genetically selecting 'superior' offspring. If a 'gay gene' was identified and used as a basis to terminate a fetus, would people do it? Some religious fundamentalists would be huge proponents of this, depsite their rejection of abortions as an acceptable practice.

Now I'm not saying that I don't believe in God, in fact I do go to Church and enjoy doing so, but the religious fanatics that spend more time using God's name to hate really piss me off. One could say that their narrow minds are a disease, as they say we are. Anyways, here's an article you should read on the topic.

http://365gay.com/opinion/besen/besen.htm

Brendawg

2007-03-24T16:49:00.000-06:00

Just a shout out to my Lil' Buddy, Brendawg, in Winterpeg, Manitoba. She'll be doing her final SPEP there at some forensic something or other.

Good for her, eh?

Yet when my teachers do it, no one bats an eye

2007-03-24T16:46:00.000-06:00

This in from Albania - teachers get drunk and do each other. Wow... I can't imagine what it would have been like if my teachers were doing each other... although they might have been a bit more pleasant.

This is hilarious: http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSL2357620220070324

A Pharmacist Blog

2007-03-18T16:31:00.000-06:00

I've been surfing around on the net a bit today and found this blog about a pharmacist in Texas. Has some good stories and perspectives. A good read.

http://www.jimplagakis.com/

Breaking News

2007-03-18T14:12:00.000-06:00

So last night I heard some bumping around and figured 'enough is enough, its time to let that devil clown under my bed know that he doesn't control me any longer'. Down I went, into the dusty abyss under my mattress and wrestled for what seemed like days. The battle went one way and another, each of us scoring what woul dhave been, for a lesser man, fatal blows. By the early hours of the morning I emerged victorious and cast my enemy into the faint light.

I managed to snap a picture of the beast. Here he is, the devil clown from under my bed.

Judge says both parties in transvestite case have serious credibility issues

2007-03-18T13:38:00.000-06:00

Another link from 'Diversions'. Sometimes I wish I would have pursued a law degree, being the judge in this situation would be the tits.

http://www.cbc.ca/cp/Oddities/070316/K031613AU.html

And as a final note on that... how do you have sexual relations with someone for 'many months' and get engaged and NOT know that you're sleeping with a tranny? Another reason you should always leave the lights on.

SkyWest airline apologizes to passenger forced to urinate in air-sickness bag

2007-03-18T13:24:00.000-06:00

From the world of CBC's 'Diversions' listings... a man was told that he couldn't use the onboard bathroom and ended up peeing in an air sickness bag.

Lets just hope to God that there wasn't turbulence. Nothing worse than sitting behind that guy and getting your feet wet.

http://www.cbc.ca/cp/Oddities/070316/K031629AU.html

"I don't like taking pills"

2007-03-18T11:40:00.000-06:00

This might be my all time, most hated quote from patients. Especially when I was working at the cancer centre. These people are being pumped full of poison that is pushing them towards an inch of their lives - naturally you will feel like shit for a few days. When I offer you some way of preventing the nausea, vomiting, diarrhea and heartburn that will surely ensue, don't tell me that you 'dont like taking pills'.

Case #1 - A patient comes in for her third round of chemo and I go in to drop off her steroids to prevent her from becoming a human fountain a few days later. I then ask her how her last round went. She says that she did, in fact, become a human fountain and could hardly get out of bed. I asked her how she took her meds (a pharmacist trick to see if they listened to us time without being condescending). She replied, oh, I didn't take them, I figured I was on enough medication and didn't need to pop pills. She went on about how sick she was. If the cancer wasn't going to kill her, I would have. Anyways, I told her that if she wanted to feel better, she needs to take her meds that I'm giving her. Moron.

Case #2 - A patient came in for another round of chemo and ended up puking all over the floor before the drugs even went into her. This sometimes happens when people associate a certain setting with past nauseating experiences, which is why we gave her gravol, dexamethasone and ondansetron before she came in. She failed to take them of course, because she "didn't like taking pills". Argh.

Case #3 - This one is from community experience, and isn't so much a case as it is a collective observation. If you don't take your blood pressure/antibiotic/antidepressant pills you most likely won't get better. I know you sometimes can't feel the effects of too little blood pressure/antibiotic/antidepressant drugs in your body, but it does affect how you feel. Take your damn pills.

That pretty much sums up my rant for today. I figured since I'm staying home from work due to the flu I should do something pharmacy related... such as bitching. Cheers!

And the winner is...

2007-03-17T22:00:00.000-06:00

I know I said I'd declare a winner of the caption contest a while ago... but I'm lazy, wanna fight about it? Maybe later.

After searching hard (or hardly searching, eh? hah!...) I decided the winner is:

"You must be this handicapped to ride this attraction. "

by 'Barns'

Close runners up were Brendawg and DY... which evidently were the only other people to post.

It was a tough race I declare the winner and best of luck whenever I feel like posting another contest.

Oh, and here's your beer -

Happy St. Patrick's Day

2007-03-17T21:55:00.000-06:00

I know its kinda late, but I'm wishing everyone a happy St. Patty's Day. It might just be the best darned day in the whole calendar, being as though its named after me... or my middle name. At least thats what I was always told. So, as you may have thought, Martin Luther King Jr. Day is NOT named after me, March 17th is! Got it? Good.

So how did I spend MY St. Patty's Day? In a very UN-Irish fashion, I worked. Later on I went to a home show down at Prairieland, which was entertaining. However, I seem to be ending the festivities off with the flu. And having the flu is balls. Absolutely no fun.

Summary: St. Patrick's Day, NOT Martin Luther King Jr. Day is named after me, and having the flu is balls. I hope you learned something today.

Today's Wacky World News

2007-03-14T20:43:00.000-06:00

I was reading the good ol' CBC online today... when I should have been working on a dosage adjumtment chart for the cancer centre... but anyways, I came across this news article about a woman who had given birth and a few hours later attended a basketball game.

Now I know I'm not really a 'sports guy' but I fail to see how a game could be as important as the early life bonding that a mother needs to do with her infant. I'm shocked that she would take a neonate to a game.

However, despite my shock, I'm still delightfully amused that this article would make the national news. As effed up as this baby is going to be later on in life all I can say is Rock On Momma, Rock On.

http://www.cbc.ca/cp/Oddities/070314/K031411AU.html

SPEP

2007-03-14T18:40:00.000-06:00

SPEP - Structured Practical Experience Program.

Yep, I'm almost done 2 of 3 of my fourth year SPEPs. This week I will be wrapping up my fifth week at the Saskatoon Cancer Centre and I can't say that I'm not going to be a little disappointed. I really enjoy working at the Cancer Centre.

Over the past few weeks I've done everything from counsel patients on how not to get sick from their chemotherapy to feeling a patient's lymphoma tumor to see if it had grown (under medical supervision, of course). I participated in breast cancer surgery (actually scrubbed in and got my hands in there) and watched a stem cell harvest and transplant.

As my weeks ticked by I learned so much more than I ever thought was possible. Cancer is a huge array of diseases and there is so much we need to learn yet. There are many fascinating approaches to treating various cancers. Stem cell transplant was probably the most complex and involves boosting a patient's stem cells with drugs, sucking them out, destroying their bone marrow and then giving them their stem cells back. Its a lengthy and painful process and always leads to relapse... but we do it all the time.

My last week has culminated in the finsihing and delivering of my presentation on Tyrosine Kinase Inhibitor Induced Rash. I talked about a brand new side effect never before seen in anydrug therapy.

Although I have a contract in Regina for the next two years I think I'll keep my mind on this career path, there is so much potential.

Thanks for listening to me nerd out here.

Bug Eyed Earl

2007-03-13T21:52:00.000-06:00

I empathize with Earl's mother - I, too, am terrified of the devil clown under my bed.

Good Ol' SK

2007-03-05T23:56:00.000-06:00

I came across this website that lists a bunch of Saskatchewan based blogs. Since I'm a whore for attention I decided that I must get listed. Anyways, his link is in the side bar and I'll post it here again, for all of your browsing pleasure.

http://saskblogs.catprint.ca

Hilarious Video

2007-03-02T23:32:00.000-06:00

I received this video from an elderly friend of mine. I thought it was hilarious and broadcasts a healthy message to all of us. Thats right, Asians are weird. Just kidding. We all need to exercise.

Anyways, watch the video, ok? Just do it for the children. Someone has to think about the children.

Joke

2007-03-01T18:55:00.000-06:00

What was Helen Keller's favorite colour?

Corduroy! (Kudos to Lance on that one)

Nipping it in the bud

2007-03-01T18:50:00.000-06:00

It's about time this little phrase started getting some attention. We hear so much about how we're not supposed to use the N word or other racist or discriminatory remarks. And, I agree with that, but we often overlook the usage of 'gay' as a slam on people. How many times in a day do you hear 'that's so gay' or 'you're gay' as a way of making someone feel bad about themselves. What's so bad about being gay that it warrants people to use it as a derogatory term. You never hear 'you're so blue eyed' or 'you're so tall' as an insult, although these are qualities not unlike being gay.

Anyways, the usage of these terms can make it very hard for, especially young, people to look at their sexuality and live their lives honestly and openly. I think that this is one phrase teachers and society as a whole should crack down on.

Well, here's the link I was talking about. Although I think this case may have been a bit extreme, seeing as though they didn't seem to care about her Mormon beliefs being made fun of... its a start nonetheless.

http://www.365gay.com/Newscon07/02/022807sosuit.htm

100th Post Caption Contest Spectacular!

2007-03-01T18:18:00.000-06:00

Welcome to post #100! Since it's inception "The Ultimate Guide to the Awesome" has been updated one hundred times with wit and wisdom from yours truly.

So, in the spirit of the celebration, I'm getting drunk.

..nOw Im' bcak... just kidding, that was stupid.

Anyways, I decided to have a caption contest for this historical post. And this time, I mean it... I need you to put down your innermost, darkest, deepest secrets into developing a thought provoking, world peace achieving comment. I don't care who you are (well, I do, don't get me wrong) or where you're from.... don't care what you do, as long as you... post a comment.

Seriously, I don't care how shy you are, I want to learn your opinions on this limbo-ing grandma.

LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

Winner will have their name posted on my blog within two weeks (the length of the contest) and is eligible for a beer, purchased by me.

New Background

2007-03-01T16:09:00.000-06:00

Not sure if you noticed, but I changed my background on my blog, here. Hope you like it. Keeping it fresh and real is my thing.
Keep on reading, my loyal fan base.

Millionaire Life

2007-03-01T12:10:00.000-06:00

I regret to inform myself and my close family and friends that I did not, in fact, win the Millionaire Life lotto draw yesterday. I know I already put a down payment on that yacht and that I quit my job and bought a car. I know I already booked that trip around Asia... but I guess I'm going to have to return it all.

Thats right, no more gold plated plates to eat dinner from, no Dom Perignon for bathwater, and especially no hundred dollar bills on my toilet paper roll. I was reckless. I thought the lottery was my ticket to a life of luxury, but I didn't win.

I better go find a job now, I have a lot of things to pay back. Donations are greatly appreciated.

Pyjama Pants

2007-02-17T18:22:00.000-06:00

I know I'm not exactly Calvin Klein or Ralph Lauren... or maybe even a retail salesperson for these lines... but I do have one bone to pick with a certain fashion trend: Pyjama Pants.

I find it disrespectful for young girls (and even more disrespectful by older people) to head out of the house to do their shopping or whatnot in sleep pants... those sweat pant like bottoms with the plaid or hilarious cartoons on them. Are they seriously so fucking lazy that they can't put on a pair of jeans or cargo pants... or even a pair of regular jogging pants to head out? Is the world your living room? I think not.

I, for one, feel that its necessary to look half assed respectable when you leave the confines of your home. Not wearing a pair of decent pants is like not brushing ones teeth, or walking around in gotch. This is a disturbing trend and I'm tired of it. No one wants to see your underwear and regardless of whether you actually sleep in those pants or not, I don't want to be under the impression that those aren't clean. Put on some damned clothes.

God Bless the Sun

2007-02-17T18:14:00.000-06:00

It finally warmed up! Well, I know its still minus 12 but at least my car will start if not plugged in overnight. (It's a diesel and needs warmth, its not just a pansy car). Although this little taste of warmth won't last, its brought to mind some of the wonderful things I can do in summer.

1. Run through the sprinkler in my shorts
2. Lounge outside with a book and a beer
3. Sleep with the window wide open, listening to the crickets
4. Get up and close the window cause those damned crickets are keeping me up
5. Realize I let a mosquito into my room while the window was open and now its buzzing in my ear
6. Get a sunburn
7. Spend weeks peeling and picking at my dried out, burnt ass skin.
8. Catch West Nile Virus
9. Mow the grass in 45 degree heat
10. Appreciate a dust storm.

Well screw that, bring on the blizzards and arctic temperatures... summer can kiss my ass.

Barenaked Ladies

2007-02-11T15:40:00.000-06:00

Last night Lance and I headed out to Credit Union Centre to hit up the Barenaked Ladies concert. It was an awesome show with opening act Tomi Swick. Not really too familiar with him or his work but he put on a good show and I'll definitely be downloading some of his work. I'm sure thats what the point of the show was, for me to pirate his music instead of buying a CD... but what can I do as an individual?

Anyways, the Ladies played all the hits... Enid, If I Had a Million Dollars, Brian Wilson, etc. All in all the music was a good time.

Even more of a good time, however, was the moustachioed man in the row ahead of us. Not only was the moustache waxed at the tips and hilariously inappropriate, but he was wearing an old man sweater which I'm assuming was handed down to him by his grandfather, since I'm sure something that hideous hasn't been made in the past fifty years. It was, as I must say, fucking ugly. Here is something I found online that was the closest I could find.

This man actually looks like a respectable human being after seeing that facial hair tragedy yesterday.

I wish you all could have been there to see him. I really wanted to touch it, almost a sick passion.

Anyways, thats enough for now. Seeya!

Hilarious Videos

2007-02-09T21:57:00.000-06:00

I decided to post a few hilarious pharmacy related videos. Yes, I know, some of you may wonder whats so funny about a profession that heroically saves lives day in and day out through pharmaceutical care and in depth medication management. I wonder sometimes too. But, here we go, two delicious videos for your viewing pleasure.

The first one was emailed to me by my friend Erika, from Stinkler, MB. Good find Erika.

http://www.cafeoflifepikespeak.com/Videos/Licensed%20To%20Pill.swf

It chronicles our societies over use of prescription medication. Hilarious.

The next one is set to the music of JT's "Sexy Back". For all of you non-pharm folk, Paxil is an antidepressant medication commonly referred to by its generic name, paroxetine hydrochloride. A happy little pink pill.

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1713176

Enjoy!

Pharmacy Blunder

2007-02-02T20:36:00.000-06:00

It occurred to me the other day, much to my chagrin, that Hyzaar and Cozaar are the same medication, except that Hyzaar includes hydrochlorothiazide in it. I know the names are similar, but generally hctz combo products have the term '-zide' or '-etic' or 'plus', never a change the start of the word.

Upon discovering this tidbit of pharmaceutical knowledge I exclaimed it aloud to my coworkers in the dispensary. I'll never hear the end of it...

Yes, I'm aware that this is the nerdiest story ever, but even if one person understands where I'm coming from, and I'm looking at you, Brendawg... then my job is done.

Taco Stand

2007-02-02T20:29:00.000-06:00

Relaying a story from the tech at work (referred to as MandKunt from here on in). Anyways, so MandKunt was talking about her boyfriend, as she's liable to do from one minute to the next and stumbles across a story from their days back in PA. Now PA has a fair number of natives, and this story was triggered from the sheer amount of riff raff that was pouring into our store on this particular day.

It just so happened that her boyfriend was out at the fair one summer when they decided to get some food. They walked by an Indian food booth and saw a sign that advertised 'Indian Taco's'. Not knowing what they were getting into, they inquired as to what was involved in said morsel. It turns out that its just a regular taco but made with bannock instead of taco shells.

As they turn to mosey on down the line, not keen on the bannock taco, an elderly woman working at the booth shouts out to them, in her all too familiar accent... "Hey white boys, you can come eat my taco anytime."

Priceless.

Liger

2007-02-02T20:20:00.000-06:00

I was working at PS the other night with the younger, cooler pharmacist, Heidi when the subject somehow came across the movie Napoleon Dynamite. All of a sudden Heidi bolts off of her stool and hobbles to the computer (yes, hobbled, due to the bum foot she suffered from a broken perfume bottle at the gym, odd). Anyways, she's all excited and says "I have to show you a liger!"

I scoff and roll my eyes, thinking it would be some doctored photograph with the head of a lion and the tail of a tiger... but that would be a tigon, you idiot. To move the story along, she brings up this picture of a liger. I was as dumbfounded as you probably are right now... and if you're not... then what the hell is wrong with me? Anyways, here it is... pick your jaw off the floor, its disgusted to have your mouth open.

Fire the Guns, Jose!

2007-01-03T20:29:00.000-06:00

Well, I figure since I'm sitting around reminiscing about Cancun I should jot down some thoughts for my Mike-starved readers.

First off, never fly Sky Service. They stole 4 hours of my vacation that I'll never get back.

Now on to the positives:

1) It was warm and humid which was good for my ever sensitive skin... came back with a baby's ass for a face, minus the poo.

2) All inclusive is amazing - it lets you eat and drink all you want and no one really judges you for being a fat, white, obnoxious asshole. Add in some smoking and you have that episode of Futurama where Bender becomes human... seriously, its how I felt the first night. Two buffets open for the majority of the day and an all night sports bar to keep us going all night. It was paradise. Asking for 16 drinks may seem weird in Canada, but at the Riu Cancun they just ask how you'll get them all back to the pool.

3) Swimming is amazing. We went swimming at our beach, snorkeled, etc. We had beautiful pools that saw a few drinks spilled into them... and we hit up this awesome nature park thing where I had a near fatal encounter with an empty air tank (more later). Its awesome to get up close and personal with a sea turtle and almost touch a moray eel. Crystal clear, warm water... it was the best.

4) The Mexicans themselves. They are numerous and are really friendly. It was a great time riding the bus with all these Mexican construction workers getting off work. I felt like a big white giant. One dude was playing the accordian, hilarious. The markets were a different story with them selling everything in sight and ripping you off anyway they could.

5) The fishing. We caught 21 barracuda(s?). Those are vicious looking fish and fight like a mutherfucker.

Anyways, there's more, but I'm bored and should go soon. So I'll leave you with a few awesome pictures.

Hola!

2006-12-26T16:26:00.000-06:00

Well, I got back from Mexico in one piece although I had a few life threatening scares along the way. I'm just at home right now, in good ol' Southey porkin up on turkey, stuffing and mashed potatoes... you know, really cementing that metabolic syndrome that I started in Cancun.

I'm heading back to Saskatoon on the 27th where I'll post a bit more on my trip to Mexico, and maybe a picture or two. Then I'm off to Edmonton for a few days before hitting back to my internships... its amazing how easy it is to forget completely about school. Apparently I'm almost a pharmacist, who would've known?

Well, Merry Christmas to everyone and I'll post more later.

Feel the Sun

2006-12-13T15:35:00.000-06:00

I know that all my readers out there have been desperately wishing that I'd talk more about my upcoming trip to Mexico... and you know how I aim to please.

So its three days until I leave to Cancun and I'm just finishing up with packing my stuff. I have my sunscreen, shorts and, well, thats about all I'll need all week. So while you are freezing your ass off in good ol' Saskatoon (actually it'll probably stay around plus one until the 23rd and then plummet back to -30), I'll be getting toasty down on the beach.

I'll make sure to take lots of pictures of myself and post those when I get back. But to give you a little taste, I found this picture on google.

I'll also leave you with this little link to The Weather Network so that you can keep yourself updated on what my days are like. http://http://www.theweathernetwork.com/weather/cities/intl/Pages/MXXX0014.htm

Caption Contest #3

2006-12-10T17:10:00.000-06:00

Now I know these haven't been very popular thus far, but I continue to try, oh Lord I try.

Anyways, I'm posting this and I better get some responses or I 'll be forced to come up with something hilarious to say regarding the picture myself... and I'm not going to pretend thats mustard!

Plastique Monkey

2006-12-10T14:42:00.000-06:00

Came across this site after reading about it in the Sheaf a while ago (yes, I read the Sheaf sometimes... I don't know why either... I know its stupid, get off my fucking back about it already).

Yes, she is knitting her muscles

anywho... here are but a sampling of the works of art posted on her site http://www.plastiquemonkey.com

She works and lives in Saskatoon, great city that it is. Check it out.

Careful with that vegetable peeler!

Canada Family Action Coalition

2006-12-10T14:15:00.000-06:00

So this past week I've been emailing around. First, I emailed Mr. Brad Trost, my Conservative member of parliament. Although I voted for him in the last federal election I felt that he wasn't representing me via his voting record in the House. I have not received a reply from either email I sent. Fuck Him.

Anyways, today I was reading the Canada Family Action Coalition website, which is essentially a hate fuelled discrimination train. With blinders fully on they feel that by excluding gays from marriage, child raising and other equalities given to Canadians, that homosexuals will just 'go away'. Well, unfortunately it hasn't gone away yet and discrimination isn't a new technique... but I digress. So here's the email I wrote this biznitch.

"Ms. Gallagher (maggiecontact@yahoo.com):

I have just finisehd reading your article "The Message of Same Sex Marriage" (http://www.familyaction.org/Articles/issues/sexuality/same-sex-msg.htm ) and had a few thoughts on what you had written.

I wasn't surprised that this article continued upon the vein of children must be raised by two opposite sex parents in order to succeed in life. When "Matthew" stated that he knew people raised by same sex couples were well adjusted, that should have been a cue to say that loving parents who are committed to each other are what matters most to raising children. Divorce is more of a threat to marriage than gay couples, in my opinion and you should be writing an article denouncing 'shot gun' marriages'. Rushes to the alter before being in love is more devastating to a child who has to be raised in a resentful and loveless environment than having two mothers who have fought for years to be able to marry and went through a careful process to ensure they were ready for a child before they adopted one that was given away by careless straight couples.

Yes, your buildup is there in your argument, but I thinky ou have drawn a complete wrong conclusion. You should want gays to marry. It shows heterosexual people that marriage is important to children. Gays can and will continue to adopt, it is people like you who are keeping those children from having married parents. Also, allowing gays to marry creates a sense of concrete relationship that is ripe for raising children. Since gays cannot biologically have children they are great candidates for raising children available for adoption. Making it easier to adopt will help the children you seem to want to protect so badly.

You have a great writing style and I enjoyed reading the points you raised in your post. I firmly believe that you have taken a pessimistic view of this hot topic and lack the insight to see that granting rights to people and accepting them for who they are, allowing them to be part of mainstream society is a GOOD thing. If you would like to discuss this issue further, I'd love to engage in a well informed conversation. I am deeply interested in your opinions on this matter and what background you have that draws you to your conclusions.

Sincerely,
MIchael Stuber"

Feel free to read the linked article and email her if you like. I'll let ya know if she writes me back.

2006-12-08T00:53:00.000-06:00

The dust has settled and Canada has decided to stick with allowing gays to marry. It seems like a big deal but the majority of people don't seem to care. Why should straight Canada care that gays have fought so long and hard for something that most people take for granted? Well marriage is just the icing on top of a long and difficult to swallow cake that has been eaten by a not so small minority of people in our culture - an at times invisible and beaten minority.

Lets take a brief overview of the gay rights movement as yours truly tends to understand it right now.

Gays have existed in human society for as long as human society has been around. Although the facts are murky, the oppression of gays is a relatively new occurence. After centuries, then, of oppression the homosexual population (estimated to be ~10-14% of a given population) began to fight back. Just as women were granted the right to vote, gays were on their way to not being sentenced to death for being what they were.

The gay rights movement began in the 1860's when German activist Karl Heinrich Ulrichs came out publicly and began publishing books on same sex love. In North America the women's suffrage movement and liberation activists were populated not only with women fed up with the status quo, but with lesbians who wanted to see change. This allowed a crack in the door to be opened for the broader gay rights movement in North America.

In the 1940's and 50's the gay rights movement became more public and organizations sprung up with members of the social elite, political and wealthy counted as members. Still, homosexuality remained illegal, with many jursidicitions punishing 'sodomy' with death, and gays themselves seen as mentally ill according to the American Psychiatric Association.

However the modern gay movement occurred in the 1960's with the free love movement that popularized activism for women, anti-Vietnam War and civil rights. The turning point is generally accepted to be the Stonewall Riots of 1969 in Greenwich Village, New York. The Stonewall Inn was a gay bar that was frequently raided (as were other gay bars) and patrons were arrested for being homosexual. However on one particular night the patrons resisted arrest and they fought back... for days. Soon after gay liberation groups popped up around the US and other Western nations to challenge the way homosexuals were seen by the rest of the population.

Gay rights have come a long way and unfortunately still have a long ways to go before it is accepted in today's society.

Anyways, that is a very, very brief overview of the gay rights movement as it stands today. It should stand as a hallmark, then that gays have achieved the right to marry someone who they truly love and are recognized as a couple, a family, just as anyone else would be. This is why the recent 'revisitation' of the 'gay marriage debate' is so important to not just gays but to Canadians. Canadians pride themselves on being multicultural. Culture isn't just defined as being Chinese, French, Ukrainian or First Nations... it isn't always about where you come from but who you associate with and with whom you feel at home. In this way there is a gay culture and Canada must recognize that the rights of this culture are every bit as important as the rights of Muslims or Christians.

So, thats the end of my rant... and I hope you actually read it, instead of skimming over for some crude joke involving cunts or abortions.

I leave you with a list of prominent gay historical figures so that you can see that human history has been contributed to by not only heterosexuals.

Julius Caesar, Alexander the Great, Leonardo da Vinci, Oscar Wilde, Beethoven, Freddie Mercury.

There are, of course, many more, but the night is getting shorter and I need sleep. I'll probably put up another post on this topic soon, but I do have lots of filth in between. Thaks for reading!

At the mall...

2006-12-07T16:14:00.000-06:00

So there we were at the mall, stopping for a quick bite to eat from Taco Time before heading back into the fray to search for the perfect gift when all of a sudden we saw it. Well, actually, Lance saw it and hit me quite forcefully on the chest and pointed at the man in the corner of the food court. He was reading a book it appeared, but his back was to us and it was hard to discern. At first I was looking for something more... interesting, I guess, but Lance continued to point and I continued to stare at the man, eating alone.

After a few minutes he did what we were waiting for, he scratched his leg. Yes, he lifted up his pant leg and scratched a scab... picked it really. I know, its quite disgusting on its own... but wait, there's more.

HE ATE IT! He fucking ate his scab, in a crowded food court while people watched. I'm glad I ate before, although I just about threw it up right there.

Wherever you are scab man, I think you're disgusting.

Destination: Cancun

2006-11-26T19:03:00.000-06:00

It is now 20 sleeps or 'siestas' until I get to Cancun. For one week I will not have to:

1) Start my car in -20

2)Not get my car to start in -20

3)Scrape my windows or brush snow off my car

4)Bitch about the weather

5)Dig my balls out of my chest cavity after taking a short walk

6)Negotiate a sidewalk so I don't end up with a bruised ass or broken arm

The list can go on and on, but they all have one common theme... I am winter free for a week. Thats only the icing on the cake, however dear readers. This week on the beach will be a reward for four and half years of school (see previous post). Although it will be a great week, still will be something missing from it, I'm sure.

Not much else to say about that. I guess...

Check out this beach, that'll be where I get my drink with an umbrella served to me... while you freeze you ass off up here. Sucker.

Light at the End of the Tunnel

2006-11-26T18:45:00.000-06:00

After 4 1/2 years of daily classes on the U of S campus, I can finally see the end of the road. On December 4th, 2006 I will attend my last class. FUCK YEAH. I will remember fondly the hours I spent napping in Thorv 110 and 124 during some boring ass lecture on ethics or health policy as well as those comfy black couches down in the lounge. Actually I think the lounge will be the only thing I will miss... and the people, of course. Oh, and the quick access to not one, but two Tim Horton's. Unfortunately I won't be able to casually stroll down on my five minute break to lose yet another round of Roll Up the Rim. I should have just bought the damned Rav 4 with all the money I've spent on coffee... but of course then I wouldn't have had the experience of ruining my kidneys and building a dangerously high tolerance to that wonderful drug known as caffeine.

I will potentially be spending more time there, though. If I open that magic envelope tomorrow that informs me that I got my choice placements I will be spending roughly 2 1/2 months there again. Likely, I'll be stuck in Kindersley or Moose Jaw, but who knows.

Anyways, its been a good run at the University of Sask, and I'll miss it, but only as much as one can when they're a degree holding health care professional making a living. That's right, not very fucking much.

When Superheroes Retire

2006-11-10T19:59:00.000-06:00

Good ol' Wonder Woman. Now that she's not busy saving lives, she's been kind of lonely, sitting at home and watching Oprah in the afternoons.

Just kind of thought this picture was funny, hope you agree.

Peace homies.

Midterms Suck

2006-11-10T18:19:00.000-06:00

I've decided that midterms suck. Not that this is a stunning reveleation, I'm sure many people have reached this conclusion without a single ounce of my input, but there it is... midterms suck.

It just so happens that the next midterm I write on Tuesday, therapeutics, is the last of my undergraduate career. You'd think I'd be happy for this day to come and be eagerly studying to cram every last ounce of knowledge into my head to perform well on this final mid year evaluation. You would be wrong. I fucking hate every last minute of this studying and will find any excuse not to do it.

Top 10 ways to procrastinate:

1. Clean my bathroom - although this desperately needs to be done, it hasn't been until midterms come up.

2. Drink - getting a bit of a buzz relieves the stress of those unopened books on my mind. Playing drunk Balderdash is even more fun with even less book opening.

3. I'm bored with this, I think I'm gonna go watch a movie or get drunk.

Caption Contest #2

2006-11-05T21:58:00.000-06:00

Dear Fans:

Do you wish that you could share in my glory and feel the pride and sense of wonder that comes from being me? Well too fucking bad. A distant second, however, is to get your name on my site by participating in the second ever caption contest. Simply add a comment under this post regarding the picture that I have posted. Make sure to leave your name; 'Anonymous' is not allowed to claim any prizes. I'll rate them based on the results of my patented badass-o-meter. Participate or die bitter and alone.

Death of a Pumpkin

2006-11-05T21:42:00.000-06:00

Like any normal person I carved a pumpkin for Hallowe'en... together with Lance's it sat quietly glaring at those who approached my abode, warning them that they would have to face unspeakable horrors to obtain the candy within. After the date had passed, my lazy ass was too... well, lazy, to throw it out. They were both frozen and I thought they looked good alongside Carl, my zombie decoration, so I left them there.

To my shock and amazment I was informed by my sister that my pumpkin had been smashed out on the street last night. Lance's remained, lonely and wishing for his comrade's return... and wait he shall remain. Well, waited, till he was thrown out too. I'm assuming those damn punk kids took my pumpkin, or Brenda, I'm not sure who. Why just mine? The world may never know. So, in loving memory, I post this picture of Lance and me with our pumpkins. Rest in peace, little soldier, you're in a better place now. Here we are on Hallowe'en with our scary ass temp tattoos, I mean real cuts and scars, looking serious about how bad ass our pumpkins are.

Mutherfucking Turd

2006-11-05T17:16:00.000-06:00

I always hate when I pick up a car and find a turd in the back seat. Thank you Wanda Sykes for calling those bastards at Honda on their indiscretions. "Smells like you sold yo ass to the devil!"

Nazi Felines

2006-11-05T16:59:00.000-06:00

You know when you see a cat that just looks like 20th dictator? This site shows a variety of cats that look like Hitler. Check it out. http://freshpics.blogspot.com/2006/06/hitler-cats_08.html

God Bless You, Panda Bear

2006-10-29T11:38:00.000-06:00

Thought this was kinda funny.

Thank You Fans

2006-10-28T14:26:00.000-06:00

The Ultimate Guide to the Awesome has recently hit 1000 visitors. I'd like to thank myself for being so awesome, and then I guess the fans... although I don't really do it for you, I do it to let some of the crazy out. Anyways, keep on reading and I'll keep on posting.

You stay classy, internet fans.

Sexy Post

2006-10-28T14:19:00.000-06:00

So I'm sure some of you have seen this video before, but I'm gonna post it anyways because its hilarious.

My favorite is the sexy 1900's steel conglomerate tycoon. So get the fuck down here cause I got shit over here I'm trying to fucking sell... big sale goin' on!

Long Time, No Post

2006-10-26T17:01:00.000-06:00

stress /strɛs/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[stres] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun

8. physical, mental, or emotional strain or tension: Worry over his job and his wife's health put him under a great stress.
9. a situation, occurrence, or factor causing this: The stress of being trapped in the elevator gave him a pounding headache.

The above is an exerpt from Dictionary.com's definition of stress. While the dictionary company here is correct in its example of stress, I could also volunteer some from my own personal experiences of the last week.

"The application for the residency was incomplete due to holds put on his account and he could therefore not get a copy of his transcripts. This placed undue stress on him."

OR

"Not knowing where he'd be in less than two months due to a bumbling SPEP coordinator placed him under great stress."

OR

"Twenty five group meetings and as many deadlines all within short notice made his hair start to fall out due to stress."

I could go on but I won't, because I'mg etting stressed out that none of them will be witty. Anyways, you get the fucking point --> I'm a little stressed with school lately. Classes and exams and group meetings, they suck balls. Fortunately within less than a month I will be sitting on a sunny, warm beach in Cancun sipping something bright with an umbrella in it. My only stress will be worrying how to get the sand out of the crevices it got itself into, or maybe how to get another drink without getting up. Ahhh, vacation.

Anywho, I'll keep ya posted in case I snap and decide to kill a busload of children. "He was always so quiet.." you'll say, "Wait, no, he told us beforehand, it was quite obvious he did it!"

P.S. I tried posting a pic of a family wearing naked costumes... it was quite weird, but this blogger thing sucks.

Fucking Snow

2006-10-17T17:05:00.000-06:00

Sunday night I went to sleep to the sound of the wind through the window and the sight of fresh slushy snow falling on... everything. It soaked and froze and made slippery every thing under the ... ugly ass clouds, I guess since there wasn't any damned sun or moon. Monday morning I hopped out of bed to greet the day and do some last minute preparations for my midterm that was just hours away. Leaving the house with over an hour and half to go time I was a little unnerved to see that cars were not moving on the roads. Curious, I thought. Then it hit me, people in the city are pansies when it comes to driving in snow. It wasn't the least bit slippery but you throw some white shit down and the collective speed limit nears 5 km/hour.

A few F bombs later it was 8:30 and Lance had already missed his first class of the day while I dreaded writing a midterm that I needed more time to prepare for (love that last minute cram). Around 9:10 am I was still on the road, and moving approximately 1 car length every 5 minutes. I decided to take action. I called the college and told them I was going to be late. Feeling a little better that I wouldn't fail or run out of time I sat back as some bitch let a large trailer and then two small sedans in front of the ever growing line. I hope her children are born retarded.

Nearing the overpass of 108th and Circle I could see clear grey road ahead, yet no one was moving! It appeared as if people were outside their cars flailing about madly... perhaps even in.. yes, a fist fight. People were fighting in the street, backing up traffic for almost 10 blocks. I was not impressed as it was now 9:15 and I was a little anxious that I had been on the road for over an hour and travelled 12 blocks.

The fight eventually resovled and I was on my merry way, to hit rock bottom on a geriatric incontinence exam, good times, eh?

Morale: Stay in your fucking car and drive like you rented that thing. I don't care if there's 2 inches of snow, use your head, not your brakes.

Peter Griffin, You're Too Much

2006-10-11T20:35:00.000-06:00

And this concludes procrastination hour in which yours truly has not cracked a single book! Stay tuned for next week when your hero fails his exams.

Baby Soup

2006-10-11T20:18:00.000-06:00

This hearty soup will satisfy those hunger pangs that strike during the depths of midterms. It is high in protein and low in saturated fats. Baby's have long been used for their aphrodisiac properties, so keep that in mind when you're looking for a delicious broth to serve your honey on that cold winter night.

Ingredients:
1-2 Fresh Infants: I prefer white meat, but for those who want a juicier meat, go with dark.
2 Peeled Potatoes, chopped
Sprig of fresh Rosemary
Salt and Pepper to taste

Directions:
Boil pot of water over high heat. Drop in babies. They may make some noise, but thats completely normal, it means they're especially fresh. Add potatoes, rosemary and salt and pepper and simmer for 4 hours or until babies are soft.

Enjoy!

Something Keeping Me Up At Night...

2006-10-11T20:13:00.000-06:00

How the fuck did this guy get so GD creepy? I hope whatever hole birthed that abomination was sewed firmly shut to prevent another creep case like that getting loose on the world. Gives me chills. Although I bet he'd be good at selling stuff to kids.

If you ever come across him please kick him in the balls as part of my twelve step program to beautifying the nation. And ladies... the question is out there... How Many Beer?

The Greatest Rock Show On Earth

2006-10-09T15:17:00.000-06:00

[IMG]http://i57.photobucket.com/albums/g211/mps055/lips.jpg[/IMG]

Yes, thats correct, I just returned from the Greatest Rock Show on Earth. The Rolling Stones definitely gave Regina and surrounding area a Bigger Bang on Sunday night (and presumbably Friday, although yours truly only attended the concert last night).

I was earlier a little hesitant to announce to the world that a broke ass student such as myself paid over 300 bucks to watch 60 something year olds play tunes from the 60's and 70's. After last night, however, I'd have to say that for being close enough to see each wrinkle on Keith Richards face and almost close enough to touch the Stones as they passed by on their hydraulic moving stage... it was worth every fucking dollar.

The show started with my sister, her friend, myself and a few others taking the bus down to Mosaic Stadium at Taylor Field via shuttle from Normanview Mall. We arrived around 4:10ish, Regina time. Seeing the massive line for souvenirs, and knowing that I had to have a tshirt, we promptly hit the booze line to get some refreshments for the line up that took just over 90 minutes to buy our rockstar memorabilia. Looking back from our point of sale, the line had nearly tripled. Long line... very long. Anyways, it was then time for a very delicious corndog. 12 inches of delicious.

As we headed back to the drink line for another refreshing long island, a rush of noise overhead alerted us to the beginning of the show... yes, our very own Snowbirds did three passes over the crowd. Amazing. They were so low and going so close together, damn. So, we headed in to the sound of Three Days Grace. Now, had I been there just for Three Days Grace, I would almost would have been satisfied. They are an amazing band and played all their good shit, as well as a lot of stuff off their new album, which I must say I downloaded and am enjoying currently.

They played for almost an hour then left the crowd to our own devices for a little wihle. Eventually the stands became a cheering behemoth that offered up over 20 rounds of the wave. The crowd was getting quite frenzied and as I got back from the porta potties the lights went off and I'm sure they could probably hear us in Moose Jaw.

A fireworks display and the drum beat of Paint it Black opened up with Mick Jagger... Yes, Mick Fucking Jagger coming out onto the 9 story tall stage. Over ninety feet of screens, speakers, lights and extra seating! This thing was massive. Anyways, they played for an hour and a half straight. The stage moved out right past me, and me and Keith Richards shared a moment... or else he was passing out, I'm not sure. Either way, we had something there. A few songs out in the depths of the field and the stage retracted to a set of a giant inflatable lips hanging from the stage.

Fire jets and more great hits. The Stones were definitely impressive. Mick can only be described as 'fabulous'. I'm not sure what drag queen he ripped those jackets and blouses off of, but only the biggest rock star on Earth, ie him... could make that look cool. And for 63 he can run.

The same couldn't be said for Keith Richards, who smoked almost an entire pack of cigs, half while he was singing T&A.

There was tons more, but this is getting lengthy. I'll post more later, as I'm sure you can't wait to hear it.

You make the caption

2006-10-05T19:55:00.000-06:00

Lets get a little interactive here. Here's the picture... now you make the caption.

Cancun

2006-10-04T20:56:00.000-06:00

Hey readers... I'm going to Mexico. Come December, I'll be sitting in my speedo baring my snow white ass to the world on the beaches of Cancun. Free drinks, free food, and free time, I can't wait.

This will be my first international trip. At 22, I'm crossing out of my nation's borders for the first time ever, how fucking lame is that? Anyways, it'll be spectacular. And I'm sure you're all jealous, unless you're coming with me, then fuck yeah. If you're not, you should come. We need to book by Friday with a deposit. Let me know or whatever. The more the merrier, right? Yeah... anyways, not much else to write, just that I'm fucking awesome and Mexico is gonna rock.

Tragic News

2006-10-03T01:33:00.000-06:00

First Steve Irwin gets stabbed by that villain of a stingray, and now this.

"Late Monday afternoon as he was crossing Sesame Street to run to Mr. Hooper's store, Cookie Monster was struck by an east bound school bus. Mr. Monster was on his way to buy a box of, you guessed it, chocolate chip cookies. Unfortunately for him those cookies sent him to his grave. As police arrived on the scene children were crying and laying cookies from their own school lunches around him.

"It was so sudden, why has he been taken from us?" said a 5 year old girl, who asked not to be named.

Mr. Monster was allegedly so distracted in his lust for cookies that he forgot a very important lesson, to look both ways. The driver blamed the noisy school children, angle of the sun and a terrible hangover for his lack of attention that lead to Cookie's death. No charges have been laid.

"I just wanted some damn cookies, now I'm gonna have to get them myself. Fucking 'tard, never send a blue monster to do a green monster's job!" said long time companion Oscar the Grouch. "In hindsight, I always knew cookies would be that boy's tomb."

A memorial service will be held on Thursday. In lieu of flowers, guests are asked to bring a plate of cookies or a donation to be made to the Canadian Diabetes Association in his honour."

Blog

2006-10-02T22:57:00.000-06:00

Check out Brendawg's Blog... its in my links section, so check that shit out.

Wing Nuts

2006-10-02T22:30:00.000-06:00

That place is fucking expensive, but damn their wings are good. I had some sitting in my fridge that Lance got me on Friday. However, due to my disgusting diarrhea and vomiting fest, I was unable to enjoy them until today. F-ing good.

Shitty Week

2006-10-01T12:25:00.000-06:00

So I've had a shitty week. Literally, filled with feces. It started off with a cold. This was compounded by hours of group work and late late nights. Eventually my cold progressed to my GI tract. By Thursday things were reaching equilibrium (ie. things coming out as fast as they could go in) and then progressed to negative balance. By Friday I was vomiting as well. Saturday I was feeling a little light headed and on the verge of a seizure. I decided that Gatorade and Pedialyte weren't cutting it. My mom to the rescue, we went to RUH, where I promptly vomited in the front door. At least it got me some attention.

After 3L of NS, D5W and some gravol, I slept for 6 hours in the hallway of the ER.
Still, the problem persists, although I don't feel quite as tingly and parched. We're waiting on C. diff tests, but I'm pretty sure I don't have the dreaded colitis. Anyways, thats why I've been so late with putting more stuff on here, and why I've missed a few group meetings.

The Neverending Day

2006-09-22T19:45:00.000-06:00

Wow... 8:30 to 5:30 with no more than a 15 minute break. That was a long ass day. I think I've had enough in depth pharmaceutical care planning for one lifetime.

I would have taken Tylenol to kill myself halfway through, but lo and behold... we learned today that it would take up to 3 days to die. That means I'd probably have to go to school on Monday too. Not the sweet relief I was looking for. Just kidding, drugs and suicide are bad... mmmkay?

Anyways, I realize that no one is probably reading this... but if you are, I'll fucking find you and make you write me a comment. I crave attention and feedback.
So yeah, write me a comment.

Yep, that was a terrible post, you can't unread it, though.

Disgusting Update

2006-09-20T21:26:00.000-06:00

It has come to my attention, and obviously some of yours, that the shit stained underpants belong not to a socially retarded man, but a less than hygeinic WOMAN! I'm just a bit more disgusted that a woman would have so little regard for her fecal contents and where they wind up... call me old fashioned.

Anyways, thought you'd like to know.

Bacon Strips and Eggs...

2006-09-18T19:41:00.000-06:00

Another picture here that makes me wonder how some people function in life. I like a game of strip Twister as much as the next guy, but when I get down to my skivvies I generally like to ensure that I've worn a pair that might be a little less disgusting than the man depicted in this photograph.

This man, I've decided to call Roger, has less than optimal social skills. I can only imagine that he was invited out of pity because the host felt bad for him and thought 'what harm can there be in inviting Roger?' Well, host, I'd like to show you what kind of harm has been done... that streak of feces across the ass of his tighty whities.

Looking at the others in the picture, it kind of looks like a loser fest anyways, but I think Roger here is in a class of his own. Everyone else came prepared to get down to it... boxer shorts, without excrement.

Final Tip: When attending a party where you will be in your underwear and especially if you will be in close proximity to others while bending over, it is ESSENTIAL to wear a CLEAN pair of underpants. 'Nuff said.

Classic White Ninja...

2006-09-17T19:24:00.000-06:00

This classic White Ninja depicts our hero shooting a rabbit in the face. This, in itself is hilarious as he uses an old fashioned bow and arrow, forgoing the convenience and accuracy of a modern firearm. We assume that somewhere along the line that Mr. Ninja will end up with a pair of slippers, and most likely they will be the comedic classic, the bunny slipper. Since he has killed one bunny already by 4 and 5, we assume he is turning these bunnies into his slippers... but NO! It would appear that the bunnies are wearing bunny slippers! Ta Da! White Ninja does it again, he leads us on but in the end pulls a hilarious fast one. You have to get up pretty early in the morning to anticipate that ol' White Ninja.

Dancin' Queen

2006-09-16T18:59:00.000-06:00

This picture makes me laugh. Not only is the chick, we'll call her Thelma, in a less than flattering position, but apparently she has been cutting a rug, so to speak, for some time by the horrified looks on the faces of the men behind her. Poor Thelma, I think she went home alone that night. Unless someone wanted to tag the fat, bad dancer, in which case she would have been one lucky lady. Come to think of it, Thelma is the only girl in that picture, where are the other little ballerinas? What brought Thelma to this par-tay I wonder?

One must appreciate the energy that she puts into feeling the music, however. That is one high kick. Wherever you are now in this crazy world, Thelma, keep on dancing.

10 Things You Didn't Know About Me..

2006-09-16T18:38:00.000-06:00

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Mike!

Mike can run sixty-five kilometres an hour - that's really fast!
The canonical hours of the Christian church are matins, lauds, prime, terce, sext, none, Mike and compline.
The air around Mike is superheated to about five times the temperature of the sun.
There is actually no danger in swimming right after you eat Mike, though it may feel uncomfortable.
Ancient Chinese artists would never paint pictures of Mike!
If you toss Mike 10000 times, he will not land heads 5000 times, but more like 4950, because his head weighs more and thus ends up on the bottom.
Only fifty-five percent of men wash their hands after using Mike.
Marie Antoinette never said 'let them eat cake' - this is a mistranslation of 'let them eat Mike'.
Ostriches stick their heads in Mike not to hide but to look for water.
The water in oceans is four times less salty than the water in Mike.

Missing the Crocodile Hunter..

2006-09-13T19:12:00.000-06:00

It's been a few days since the famous Australian conservationist died and the world is a little less exciting. I hope that we can remember him and take comfort in the fact that Steve Irwin died the way he lived, with animals firmly in his heart.

Tasteless, I know.

Fucking Wanna Be Pig

2006-09-11T21:58:00.000-06:00

On my way home from Ryly's tonight I stopped by campus to drop off Rich and Adam for the Commerce BBQ. As I'm heading out on campus drive towards east road I see some douche bag campus cop's lights flashing behind me. The first thing I think is 'shit, I've had a few beer'. The douche comes up to me and asks me how much I've had to drink. 'Nothing,' I lie. He tells me I was doing 65 in a 40 zone. I think, 'So the fuck what, its campus at 9:30 pm on a Monday, fuck him' Then I realize that I don't have my seatbelt on, which I took off when I pulled over, cause thats what I do before I get out of a car. Having only been pulled over once a few years back I don't know protocol (and I'm a little drunk), I assumed I'd be getting out of the car. He tells me the seatbelt ticket is 165 bucks and some more for the speed. Whatever, he's a douche, and he keeps me waiting for probably 15 minutes while he runs me through the computer and probably eats a Boston Creme... damn I wish I had one of those right now. Anyways, fuck him. I'll pay it, but I won't slow down, that car has too much power and I have too much to do.

My Calendar

2006-09-10T23:58:00.000-06:00

I just sort of cleaned up my office so I have a place to do some homework should the desire come over me to crack a fucking book. So far, nothing.

Anyways, I came across my wall calendar from this year (moved in in May an dstill haven't put it up, good investment eh?). It's entitled "Nuns Having Fun" and has a new hilarious picture of wacky nuns in crazy situations each month. They have little captions underneath to maximize the laughs, and boy, do they ever do the trick. For instance October (I know, I spoiled the surprise by looking) has three nuns sitting around a pub table eating. They all have pints (one of them is empty and the accompanying nun is making a hilarious face) and underneath it says "Ale Marys"... a hilarious play on words of the Hail Mary. Oh those nuns. I bet they have adventures at the convent that us regular folk could only dream of.

Finally... Winners of the SPNSS Scavenger Hunt

2006-09-09T20:10:00.000-06:00

So we finally won. Eight Balls in the Corner Pocket, our team, pulled down a big win with our collection of a dead muskrat, a toga with nothing underneath, a shiny male thong with a zipper (worn by yours truly) and a hubcap stolen off of a car on the street, among other things.

The prize was a hell of a bar tab and that went down deliciously. Cheers to a new year at school.

The Tale of the Jetta TDI

2006-09-08T00:56:00.000-06:00

Back in July I smashed up my old car, a 1995 Dodge Spirit. The search for the replacement began in earnest last Friday when I picked up an auto trader. I found several cars to my liking but decided I liked a dark blue 2000 V6 Jetta the best. This car was loaded, heated leather seats, power everything, and drove so well I had wet dreams for the next few days. However, the private sale thing was kind of sketchy and the guy was a little tough to get a hold of, as he was out of town lots. There were other things with this car that made me a bit nervous, but damn, I was a mosquito to the zapper and I wanted that car.

Scene 2: I end up missing the banks closing time on Wednesday, as I had decided I was going to indeed purchase this car from 'Dennis'. I was kind of ripped at my misfortune but my sister decided to take me to a few different dealerships to look around, because apparently I had been a little impulsive in my desire for the first car I looked at. We eventually got to Saturn of Saskatoon down at the Auto Mall. We noticed a blue/green (name of color yet to be determined) 2001 Jetta TDI as we circled the lot. We got out to investigate and in less than 2 minutes a tall, strapping man named Trevor came out to see what the 411 was. Eventually I recognized him from a game of golf a few years previous when he had joined in with us at Wildwood. Anyways, I digress. Erin and I took the car for a little spin and I liked the feel of it. It wasn't as pretty as the V6 and sounded slightly rougher due to the fact that it was diesel, but it handled well and felt amazing on the road. It was about 4 grand more than the 2000 that 'Dennis' was selling and had more km, but it had some good service points and features that I really had to consider.

Scene 3: I had slept on the choices and woke up with the decision to purchase the dark blue car. The world was telling me to pick it. I had told Trevor that I would be back on Friday, however, to take a second look. Lance and I pulled into the dealership and I was ready to humour the salesman before I said no. As luck would have it I took it for a second ride and enjoyed the feel of it a little mor than the day before. We drove back to the dealership and were hit up with questions about the seriousness of my interest. I asked price, he said we'd talk. Still not sure if I wanted the car, I became quite interested in seeing how low I could get him to go, even though I'm sure the car was overpriced and that he had lots of room to negotiate. A half hour later I had talked over 3 grand off the sticker price and got him to throw in some tint and some minor cosmetic shit. We had a deal and I signed beside the 'X'.

Scene 4: As I headed out of the dealership to get some cash I let out a large breath and hoped I made a good choice. Then I realized I couldn't drive it right away and went back into the showroom to ensure that I also needed to register my car, fuck I'm stupid. Anyways, Lance and I hurried to the bank to get my cheque so I could drive my car home. All went well and we returned to pay for my car... MY CAR. It was exciting. I told Trevor he had just stole my car buying V-card. He laughed and said his wife would be impressed... jealous is more like it, ha. Anyways, I gave over the largest sum of cash I've ever seen in my hands to the financial dude, who was easily 20 feet tall if he was an inch. Scary mother fucker. Then it was off to Galon insurance to get my registration. We were there in short time and I registered the first vehicle ever in my name. The chick was quite dull and apparently didn't appreciate my sense of humour. I doubt she's ever gotten laid... what with her being so fucking ugly and all.

Back on the road we made a quick stop at the sevvy for some gas in the sister's SUV and a pair of toquitoes (it was almost 8 and we hadn't eaten yet... plus toquitoes are delicious). As we weaved down second avenue, busting our asses to get back so I could hop into my new ride we saw some riff raff (tanned cousin, brownitis, buck, whatever you want to call him) riding a bicycle with his head looking behind him. Also, a car was backing out ever so slowly. I saw it in my head before it happened and a 'oh shit' escaped my lips as the cyclist smashed into the back bumper and flew up on top of the back window. Hilarious. As grandad got out of his car to check the riff raff looked angry, what a douche. It was his fault. Anyways, no time to waste we chuckled as we sped up onto the freeway bridge and back to my car. Walking into Saturn for the last time that evening I shook Trevor's hand and he handed me the key. My KEY. My CAR. Fuck yeah.

Many more stories about my car to come, but thats the story of how I got my very first car. I know you'll remember it forever.

Why I'm never having children

2006-09-06T19:04:00.000-06:00

White Ninja says it best in today's comic.

Although I learned something today... I know now that spiders don't come from a woman's vagina. Neat.

Celebrity Readers

2006-09-05T12:50:00.000-06:00

It has come to my attention that this very blog that you are reading at this moment has been read by none other than the one and only Geoff Baird. Thats right... I'm in the big leagues now.